nothing else matters

So in the past two days I’ve been asked this question FOUR times… “Whats wrong with you Shawni?” …confused I ask them what they mean by that… they proceed to say… “well you’re a pretty girl, you’re intelligent, sweet, ambitious, so why hasn’t some guy snatched you up already? Is there something wrong with you?” (mind you…I’m only 23) That question has been asked to me in a very sincere tone by two close friends, one acquaintance and oh yeah… the brother of one of my best girl-friends, who by the way, is getting married tomorrow. I’ve met him a total of 5 times maybe and even he is wondering why I don’t have a boyfriend… of course there are my parents who think its odd that someone of my age is still single being that my mom was pregnant with me at the age I am now.

Is it that abnormal for someone of my age to be single and to have been single for quite some time?

When you’ve been asked that question four times in two days you begin to wonder… is there really something wrong with me? Am I too picky?

Or maybe is there something wrong with other people‘s views on when and why someone should be in a relationship? Is it wrong that I don’t want to settle for anything less than the best? Is it wrong that I have standards? Is it wrong for me to be a single, independent girl who doesn’t “need” a boyfriend to be happy? Why is it that someone of my age needs to be in a “serious relationship” for others to think that there is nothing wrong with them?

Personally, I think I’m fine. I think its sad how some people are afraid of being alone, so afraid that they jump into an intense and serious relationship so quickly;often with someone they just met and barely know. I’m not directing this at anyone;yet, it does make me wonder why people think that there is something wrong with ME, just because I’m not “taken”.

I‘m single by choice and not by choice at the same time. I guess what I mean is... I‘d rather be single than be in a relationship just because everyone is... or because I’m afraid to be alone. Of course, yes I’d love to be “taken”, I’d love to have that person by my side, that best friend, that person you can tell anything to, that person you can feel completely and totally comfortable around. Still, that doesn’t mean I’m going to jump into a serious relationship with just anyone just because I don’t want to be alone.

My last relationship was terrible, and I am not by any means scared of entering a new relationship because of my past experiences. I may be a little more reserved or cautious but I wouldn’t let that hold me back. Still, I did learn from that relationship…I learned NOT to settle just because you don’t want to be alone. And for that I'm glad. So to answer your question, or incase you were wondering, NO there is nothing wrong with me....that I know of.

they're both gone

I miss them. malika left yesterday...at least tina gets back monday.

god I love having them around. sisters are amazing. They are your best friend, your confidant, your everything. I love them.

so long sweet summer

my sister Lika is going back to toronto for a month in 5 days, I'll miss her.
At least Tina gets back Sept 3rd. can't wait! I love having my sisters around!

Tia is finally better after two months of being off. Her shoes are on and I can ride her again. Her first trail ride went alot better than I thought it would go. She's a bit fat and needs to lose weight, haha. But besides that she's great.

Me and Tia: The sun is in my eyes!

KITTENS

Hey guys,
I am fostering a litter of kittens and their mama. Someone from Rosenort brought in a litter of kittens to me this morning. They were unable to find homes for them out in the country so hopefully I can find homes for them here. There are two boys and two girls. They are medium length hair, extremely friendly, completely litter trained and are soooo adorable! They are almost all white with a few orange spots here and there. One is white with black spots. The kittens were born June 16 2007. The mom is also looking for a home, she was born August 21st of 2006, so she is one year old. She is white with a calico head and a calico tail. They are all really friendly and just want a good home.

Ps. I have pictures on my digital camera and I would post them but my laptop is broken so I am unable to upload them at the moment. Any questions…just ask!


If you know of anyone they are free to good homes. Please also fwd this to anyone you think may be interested. Thank you!

save a horse, ride a cowboy

Friday night: wow. Went to Meiji sushi and then to coyotes for Melanie’s stag. It turned out to be a complete gong show. I barely drank; maybe had two shooters and one margarita; that’s about it. I had to be up at 7am the next morning for the 19th Annual Children’s Wish Ride. But boy, the girls who did drink were hilarious. One girl literally stripped down to nothing in the parking lot. The bride-to-be actually entered into a booty shaking contest and WON. We were laughing so hard because it’s something she would never ever do. At least she has a “booty” to back her up. It’s definitely something I could/would never do for more than one reason. Nonetheless, it was hilarious and definitely an amusing night. The way a stag should be, I suppose.
Melanie Hanson...the bride-to-be!
Homemade penis cake
the girls
a buck a suck...this dude later tried to get me to go out with him. hahaha
blow jobs...thats whipped cream on my mouth.
dancin
red tape=don't touch
who knows?
RED TAPE

me and my old roomie suzanne
me and the drunk bride
blown up scottish whiskey flavored condom


Saturday: got up early, drove out to warren for the 19th Annual Children’s Wish Ride. It’s basically a fundraiser for the Children’s Wish Foundation. It’s such an amazing cause and is definitely close to my heart since I have a 5 year old sister with Down syndrome, Bonnie Brooke. Basically people from all over Canada come and bring their horses, camp out and ride their horses for a twelve mile ride. Similar to a walk for breast cancer or some other cause, except it’s a horseback ride. I was unable to bring Tia so I took one of my friend Melissa’s horses. Pilgrim was his name. A 5 year old quarter horse gelding, who thought he was a stallion and had the worst ground manners ever. He sure was handsome but boy were his manners out the window, and if he was my horse he would have gotten a good wack or two. He was definitely a horse who needed a whole lot more miles on him. Apparently he had not been ridden in a WHOLE YEAR, and had only 4-5 rides on him in total. He was an extremely green horse (a green horse is basically a horse that has not had a lot of work/training done) Greaaaaaaaaaaat! I knew I was in for an entertaining ride.
Every time I asked him to canter (for those of you who don’t know what ‘canter’ means…horses have four gaits… walk, trot, canter and gallop, canter is a 3 beat stride, which is supposed to be the most smooth gait out of all horse gaits). However, with Pilgrim it wasn’t! He would go into this bucking banter when I asked him to canter, one time he bucked 5 in a row while cantering full speed. Also, every time we came near water instead of going through it he would do this gigantic off balance jump over the water; half the time I was surprised I stayed on. Might I add, I was riding in an aussie saddle with stirrups that were way too long and my feet barely touched them. So I had to balance myself a lot more on an unsure/unconfident horse who had no balance and didn’t even know where his back end was. As well, he didn’t even know how to walk without tripping every other step, such a clumsy horse, at one point he tripped so hard he fell onto his knees and almost fell over; once again I was surprised I didn’t tumble off. I guess I was lucky that day.


Oh yeah…before the ride started….He kicked me pretty hard in the knee while I was cleaning out his hooves. It hurt a lot at first but then the pain kind of went away and I forgot about it…until 10 miles into the ride when my knee started to really hurt. I got off and walked for a bit then got back on. I couldn’t figure out why it hurt so badly because I ride at least 3 times a week so I shouldn’t be so sore after a 10 mile ride. When I got back I remembered he had kicked me there, my knee was swollen and is now bruised. I never bruise so it must have been a pretty hard kick for me to actually get a bruise. It hurts and I’m gimpy and sore.

To Pilgrims defense, he is lucky that he’s such a handsome horse. That combined with how young he was… I gave him the benefit of the doubt. He just needs someone with a lot of patience to work with him; someone to be firm and not let him walk all over them. As well as someone to put a lot more miles on him; aka ride him more than once a year. If that happens, he’ll be a fantastic horse for anyone to ride…someday!

Pilgrim


If you read that in its entirety sorry if I bore you to tears.

Life is Grand!

I just worked 8-1 at one job and now I'm at my 2nd job working 3-9. I'm tired.

Means is playing tonight. Hopefully I make it there in time, working till 9 sucks.

On a positive note; TIA HAD HER SHOES DONE WEDNESDAY! Apparently she was really bad for the farrier and he was upset about it and kept calling my horse "ill-mannered". She's never had problems with being shod before so its odd. Anyway.... Finally, after two months of not being able to ride my very OWN horse, I can finally ride her. I cannot wait till tomorrow when I get to ride my ill-mannered horse; I'm sure it will be interesting to say the least.

friday night: Melanie's Stagette, should be fabulous fun.

Saturday:Horseback ride for the Children's Wish Foundation.

Sunday: WORK for 28.55 an hour.

not bad

I wanna get lost in some corner booth, Cantina Mexico

the last three days were great. I went to a horse show sunday morning, went to see tia, gave her a bath, went riding...I rode Roo again, a buckskin who is alot of fun to ride. I'll post his pics soon. Monday I slept in till 12:30 went and hung out with my old friend Emily from minneapolis, who just happened to be in town on my day off. Then I went riding again. After that I hung out with Little Ben, went for coffee and such, had good talks. It was fantastic having two days off in a row. A luxury infact. As fun as it is riding other horses I can't wait till I can ride Tia again. It's not the same when you have your own horse to ride.

....for now I get to hug my donkey...look how big her ears are here.

Diesel, Tia, me

pretty girl.


tonight I get to rent wild hogs on dvd. sweet.

If you go now, I'll understand ;If you stay, hey, I've got a plan

I’ve had a lot of trouble sleeping lately. I am not exactly sure why. I think I worry too much. I over analyze everything and it makes me think of the worst possible situations or scenarios and it scares me. I don’t really know what I’m trying to write right now but something is on my mind and it’s bothering me and I gotta get it out or else it’s going to drive me insane.

When I was a little girl I always thought I knew what I was going to be “when I grew up”. I knew I didn’t want to be a missionary like my parents; I wanted to do something that revolved around my passion for animals. Something like marine biology, a veterinarian, animal trainer etc… Now it seems like I don’t know anything about what I want to do anymore. Or better yet, I know what I want to do. but can’t because I know I won’t be able to make a decent living out of it. It’s unfortunate that we can’t all do what we love as a job. In my case, what I love is not a stable enough job for me much less a family in the future. When I have children, I want to be able to give them everything my parents could not give me. I don’t want them to struggle as much as I had to. From the time I was 15 ½ I did everything on my own without a single bit of financial help from my parents.

I used to feel like I was ahead of everyone; moving out on my own at 15 1/2, traveling places where people twice my age have never been, skipping a grade of high school and still finishing early with honors, going to university etc… Yet now I feel like I’m on a downward spiral as reality sinks in.

I have 9 credit hours of school left to finish my degree in psychology…and then what? Will school end or will I continue it and acquire my masters? Will I end school and try to find a job with just a BA in psychology? If I chose to do that… what decent job can I get with that kind of a BA? Probably not much! I’m starting to become overwhelmed with what I am going to be or what Im going to do when “I grow up”.

I have to start paying my student loans off. I need to find a real job. I have to decide what it is I am going to do with my life. I want a real career, not just some dead end 9-5 job that I hate going to everyday. I want to retire early. I want to travel still. I have been to so many places, yet there are still so many more I want to go to. It feels like the lack of money holds so many people back from fulfilling their dreams, and I don’t want to be one of those people. Yet I am. Ugh Its just so frustrating.
What am I going to do? I need to decide.

disturbing dream

I had a wierd dream last night; about my little brother Oliver. I dreamt that he was in jail and on death row for murder; a murder he didn't commit. Me and my sister Malika were fighting to save him, but we pretty much were just crying and screaming at people my whole dream. The wierdest part about it is my parents didn't really care that he was on death row and about to die in the dream. I remember lecturing my parents saying he didn't do it and he was framed, the whole time in my dream I was hysterical. I think the most disturbing part of the dream is how little my parents cared in the dream, when that is so far from reality. I don't know why I'm posting about it; I guess it just left me with a wierd feeling today.

my brother is the last one on the right in white/black shorts.


I guess I'm just worried about a few things. Maybe that reflected in my dream. I'm not really worried about my brother though, so its odd that I dreamt about him.

August long at riding mountain

August long...was amazing.
-rain-hotel
-biking
-riding mountain
-marshmellows
-jiffy pop
-fires
-lakes
-bison
-hawks
-squirrels who eat pancakes and jam toast
-cinnamon buns
-wasagaming THE TOWN OF WIERD BIKES
-laying in the grass
-walking around the lake
-killing slugs
-thunderstorms
-white underwear
-getting drenched while riding a bike
-putting on damp clothes
-tim hortons
-tent
-campsite
-dad and three kids
-babies
-biking down a deserted path
-lake audy
-clear lake
-moon lake
-brandon
-rest stops to go pee
-water bottles
-going pee in a place full of stuffed wild animals
-running into my old boss from petplan
-running into jay coleman
-losing sunglasses
-dogs
-horses
-pizza
-italian music
-more biking
-harley davidson

and so much more!


more pics here
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=31554&l=3ef50&id=711000084

oh school be done already

So my student loan company rejected my loan saying I make enough money to pay for my tuition fees myself. Go figure they'd screw me over when I only have 9 credit hours left before I graduate. I'm lucky I have some amazing people in my life, like Paul and Linda Barli, people who I have known for 7 years now and was a live-in nanny for a couple years. They treat me like I'm part of their family. They offered me the 2000$ I need to finish school. Since they know my parents are full time volunteer missionaries and the parents of 8 children so obviously they could never afford to help me out with anything much less tuition and book fees. Paul and Linda are such amazing people and I am so lucky to have them in my life. I haven't accepted their offer, but its nice to know that there are people in my life that are looking out for me and will always help me out if I ever need it.

Kris is going to Uganda in a bit and I jokingly told him to bring me back a baby from africa. However, someday I will go to africa and bring back my baby. It has been a dream/goal of mine ever since I can remember, to adopt a little boy from africa and a little girl from asia. I have had names picked out since I was 9. No, I'm not trying to be Angelina Jolie. Infact, you can even ask my family. I used to say it all the time when I was 9 years old; that someday when I was older I was going to adopt. Now 14 years later its something I still want. I can't wait till I can make that dream come true. I know it will. Someday.

This weekend can't come fast enough. I just can't wait. He told me we should make it a monthly thing, which is awesome. I love camping and such.

I watched 300 last night for the first time, it's such a great movie, I might watch it again tonight.