If you go now, I'll understand ;If you stay, hey, I've got a plan
I’ve had a lot of trouble sleeping lately. I am not exactly sure why. I think I worry too much. I over analyze everything and it makes me think of the worst possible situations or scenarios and it scares me. I don’t really know what I’m trying to write right now but something is on my mind and it’s bothering me and I gotta get it out or else it’s going to drive me insane.
When I was a little girl I always thought I knew what I was going to be “when I grew up”. I knew I didn’t want to be a missionary like my parents; I wanted to do something that revolved around my passion for animals. Something like marine biology, a veterinarian, animal trainer etc… Now it seems like I don’t know anything about what I want to do anymore. Or better yet, I know what I want to do. but can’t because I know I won’t be able to make a decent living out of it. It’s unfortunate that we can’t all do what we love as a job. In my case, what I love is not a stable enough job for me much less a family in the future. When I have children, I want to be able to give them everything my parents could not give me. I don’t want them to struggle as much as I had to. From the time I was 15 ½ I did everything on my own without a single bit of financial help from my parents.
I used to feel like I was ahead of everyone; moving out on my own at 15 1/2, traveling places where people twice my age have never been, skipping a grade of high school and still finishing early with honors, going to university etc… Yet now I feel like I’m on a downward spiral as reality sinks in.
I have 9 credit hours of school left to finish my degree in psychology…and then what? Will school end or will I continue it and acquire my masters? Will I end school and try to find a job with just a BA in psychology? If I chose to do that… what decent job can I get with that kind of a BA? Probably not much! I’m starting to become overwhelmed with what I am going to be or what Im going to do when “I grow up”.
I have to start paying my student loans off. I need to find a real job. I have to decide what it is I am going to do with my life. I want a real career, not just some dead end 9-5 job that I hate going to everyday. I want to retire early. I want to travel still. I have been to so many places, yet there are still so many more I want to go to. It feels like the lack of money holds so many people back from fulfilling their dreams, and I don’t want to be one of those people. Yet I am. Ugh Its just so frustrating.
What am I going to do? I need to decide.
When I was a little girl I always thought I knew what I was going to be “when I grew up”. I knew I didn’t want to be a missionary like my parents; I wanted to do something that revolved around my passion for animals. Something like marine biology, a veterinarian, animal trainer etc… Now it seems like I don’t know anything about what I want to do anymore. Or better yet, I know what I want to do. but can’t because I know I won’t be able to make a decent living out of it. It’s unfortunate that we can’t all do what we love as a job. In my case, what I love is not a stable enough job for me much less a family in the future. When I have children, I want to be able to give them everything my parents could not give me. I don’t want them to struggle as much as I had to. From the time I was 15 ½ I did everything on my own without a single bit of financial help from my parents.
I used to feel like I was ahead of everyone; moving out on my own at 15 1/2, traveling places where people twice my age have never been, skipping a grade of high school and still finishing early with honors, going to university etc… Yet now I feel like I’m on a downward spiral as reality sinks in.
I have 9 credit hours of school left to finish my degree in psychology…and then what? Will school end or will I continue it and acquire my masters? Will I end school and try to find a job with just a BA in psychology? If I chose to do that… what decent job can I get with that kind of a BA? Probably not much! I’m starting to become overwhelmed with what I am going to be or what Im going to do when “I grow up”.
I have to start paying my student loans off. I need to find a real job. I have to decide what it is I am going to do with my life. I want a real career, not just some dead end 9-5 job that I hate going to everyday. I want to retire early. I want to travel still. I have been to so many places, yet there are still so many more I want to go to. It feels like the lack of money holds so many people back from fulfilling their dreams, and I don’t want to be one of those people. Yet I am. Ugh Its just so frustrating.
What am I going to do? I need to decide.
posted by lionamelie at
1:10 PM
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