Heaven goes by favor. If it went by merit, you would stay out and your dog would go in.

In melbourne.

2009-12-31T20:03:00.000-08:00

So this past week I've been in Christchurch New Zealand. Spent a day in Kaikoura and Hanmer springs. There are wild seals everywhere in Kaikoura. I got real close to one, but then he roared at me, so I booked it. They can be so cute and so damn scary at the same time. On new years eve I flew to melbourne. I arrived here yesterday as it is actually Jan 1st here in Australia. When I arrived here yesterday, it was +36. Unreal! I'm currently sharing a house with 6 people. I feel like I'm on an episode of the real world. The housemates are pretty awesome though and there are actually three canadians in the house. So counting me there are 4 canadians, one guy from wales and an australian. Another person is coming monday, should be interesting. I'll be here for a week and then I'm off to St.Kilda for a bit. Yesterday I spent new years, in the pouring rain, at federation square not far from melbourne central. It was absolutely nuts. People everywhere. Everyone gets wasted off wine/goon, its hilarious. There were fireworks going off the tops of every building including federation square. The architecture of that place is amazing. Yesterday I went grocery shopping and was extremely appalled at how expensive everything is. Eggs were like 6$ a carton. By the way, they don't refridgerate their eggs, they have them in an isle right beside the cleaning supplies. Weird huh?

Anyway, I'm off to the mall to get a cell phone and open a bank account so I can get a job.

Off for 5 months.

2009-12-21T14:08:00.000-08:00

So my journey has started. I'm in vancouver right now and will be here till christmas day. I fly to new zealand on christmas day. Its a 17 hour flight nonstop from vancouver to auckland, NZ. Then I take a short flight from auckland to christchurch nz where I'll be staying with Joshy for a few weeks. Then I'll fly to melbourne, Australia to meetup with my good friend Steve Boyd. I plan on finding a place and a job out there and working for a few months and then heading back to NZ.

I started off my trip by missing my flight to vancouver, ugh. Luckily it only cost me 50$ to catch the next flight on standby.

I'll post more later.

Merry Christmas to myself!

2009-12-10T14:32:00.000-08:00

I booked my tickets to New Zealand/Australia yesterday. I leave on christmas day!

This blog might just get a bit more alive and exciting.

I am ecstatic!

I'll be in new zealand for a month or so, visiting friends, and then its off to australia till may. Gonna hangout and work in melbourne for a bit, then go to brisbane, sydney, byron bay and wherever else I decide to go. I also might go to thailand for a month, in may, before I have to fly back to vancouver for Avrinder's wedding.

My little sister Tina is meeting up with me in australia at the end of january... which just makes this trip even more exciting. On top of that, a whole bunch of other amazing people will be there at the same time I am. Steve Boyd, Jess OK, Andrew, Kyle, Jeremy, this trip is going to be life changing. I know it!

I also know I'll come back so dead broke; at least it'll be worth it.

Don't settle just because you're lonely.

2009-10-25T16:39:00.000-07:00

"There's a kind of love that gives you the courage to be better than you are, not less than you are. One that makes you feel that anything is possible."

I'm holding out for that.

lately

2009-10-19T14:49:00.000-07:00

Alot has happened in the past few weeks I don't even know where to start.

-homewrecked

-Got into my first car accident. I was rear ended by a large truck who then pushed me into three other cars. It turned out to be a 4 car pile up. My car is a write off. Luckily I'm getting 700$ more for it than I paid, so thats the happy ending to that.

-Oct 3-10th I went to San Diego. Had an amazing time. Ninja got to put his little paws in the ocean for the first time. He loved the water, hated the waves. He was a little rockstar, everywhere we went people loved him. The hotel staff at the Hilton were constantly asking for him and he was treated like a little prince out there. I love how pet friendly california is.

-We got to go on the live taping of Jimmy Kimmel in Hollywood. That was neat. I can't believe how small the audience actually is. Jimmy Kimmel is short, really short. And not that funny.

-Oct 10th: I was supposed to fly to vancouver for a week to hangout with some amazing friends and party. Unfortunately I got extremely sick and had to switch my flight from vancouver to winnipeg. Ugh. When I got back to Winnipeg I spent the following week (including thanksgiving) in the hospital hooked up to two IV's and a morphine drip. Oh joy.

-Today was my first day back at work after being off for 2 weeks. I am so lucky my kids were easy on me today. I wouldn't have been able to handle much more. I enjoy teaching but the days when they are difficult can take its toll on me and considering I am still recovering I was hoping today would not be one of those days. I lucked out. What special kids they really are. They are the reason I enjoy going to work everyday. I missed them while I was gone for two weeks.

I couldn't have read something more truthful about myself than this.

2009-10-01T09:03:00.000-07:00

"Now and then a Pisces girl will cover her shyness and vulnerability with wisecracks, a sophisticated veneer and a frigid independent personality, but it's merely a cloak of protection, worn to hide her uncertainty from the prying eyes of rough people who would bruise her genfle heart if she exposed it."

Wish everyday was like yesterday...

2009-09-08T14:08:00.000-07:00

Its the little things in life that make life so beautiful. Like a group of amazing friends hanging out all day at the beach. The water. The sun. The sand. Drinking. Eating. Sun-bathing. Playing football and volleyball. I don't think I'll ever need a ton of money, a fancy house,a fancy car or wealth to be happy. Yesterday reminded me of how lucky I am to have the people I have around me. And as long as I continue to have amazing friends and family around me I will be a blessed girl.

Yesterday we went to grand beach.

There was us four girls and about 12 guy friends.

Life really couldn't have been more grand.

beachin and brawlin... literally.

Sometimes I think I could move to vancouver...

2009-09-03T15:33:00.000-07:00

All my friends are going there. I miss them. My best friend leaves in 4 weeks. What am I going to do without her? I was supposed to move there in May. I think I could move there. Then I remember why I didn't move there, in May, as was planned. I could never afford it. If I'm always broke in winnipeg, what makes me think I could ever afford to live in Vancouver?

I was doing so well with saving money...'was' being the key word.

Today I got paid. After paying all the many bills I have, I had 208$ to last me for two weeks. Awful. But I could manage on that. No problem. Then my dog's ear started bleeding. Took her to the vet...181$ later I find out she has a severe ear infection. Poor girl. Poor me. I now have 27$ to last me till payday. FML

The upside: I'm so glad my San Diego/Vancouver trip from Oct 2-Oct 18th are fully paid for. :)

you

2009-08-29T11:40:00.001-07:00

However far away I will always love you
However long I stay I will always love you
Whatever words I say I will always love you
I will always love you

T-Pot

2009-08-23T20:26:00.000-07:00

It was beautiful out today; +25 at least. It was the perfect day for a ride. I went on a three hour trail ride with 8 other people. I got to ride Tia. It was the first time I had really ridden in months. I missed riding. I missed her. I also missed the weird conversations that are started on horseback. We rode through fields of alfalfa, around bales of hay, through ponds filled with ducks, geese and comorants. There were ducklings in those ponds. Its almost the end of August. Its late in the season for there to be tiny ducklings...maybe this means we'll have a longer summer? If not, those little ducklings better grow up fast so they can fly away before -50 hits us. Sometimes I feel like one of those little ducklings.

people always leave

2009-08-19T14:35:00.000-07:00

Everyone is leaving Winnipeg. I can't blame them. I'm just torn. Should I stay or should I go?

hahahha

2009-08-05T16:45:00.000-07:00

OH MY GOSH! I Didn't realize some people liked World Of Warcraft this much...is this for real?

Being 25

2009-08-03T14:04:00.000-07:00

When you turned 25 was it as big a deal for you as it was for me? I didn't think I would feel any different when I turned 25, just like all my other birthdays before, I was wrong. I suddenly felt so old.

Lately I've done alot of things that are out of character for me. I find myself caring less and less. I don't know how to explain it. I don't regret the things I've done at all; I just continuously surprise myself. I'm not going to write about those things I've done but suffice to say the past few months have been strange...

On a different topic...two weeks ago I rescued a beautiful black lab. She's 2 1/2 years old and I named her Moira. I don't plan on keeping her, although I've grown extremely attached to her these past two weeks. I've taken her everywhere with me. She's an all around amazing dog. She comes to work with me even. On thursday I drove down to minneapolis with my friend Carlie and Moira. I brought Moira to meet the famliy I used to nanny for 8 years ago. Their black lab died years ago and I thought they would love her. I think they are going to come and pick her up 2-3 weeks from now, if all goes well. So right now I have 3 dogs. Moira is terrified of stairs, she goes down them but refuses to go up them. I decided to work on this with her so I took her to the forks where there are stairs everywhere. We jogged up and down the stairs alot and she has gotten a bit better although she still isn't keen on going up the stairs, its so bizzare. This dog absolutely loves water.

I took her down to the river and we just sat there for a long time. The two of us. It was serene. I hadn't done that in a long time. Just sat down and relaxed. Man I love summer.

Yesterday I worked the Blink 182 concert. It was fun. I felt like I was 16 all over again.

20's

2009-07-16T16:00:00.000-07:00

so I haven't updated this thing in forever. I write most of my stories in an actual diary that I keep by my bed. Its pink and has a puppy on it. It's almost full. I have three pages to fill and then its time to start another one. I enjoy starting new ones, it feels like I'm starting over again. I probably have up to 10 full books now. I have no idea what I'll do with them. I enjoy looking back on them though and seeing how far I've come.

I hate winnipeg. Summer here has been ok. Nothing spectacular has happened so far and I'm hoping that'll change soon. I might be going to Singapore, maybe India. For now I do know for sure that I'm going to San Diego in October. Fun, but not far enough. Spain's 'running with the bulls 2009' in Pamplona has just ended. I wish I went. I want to go to Spain and run with the bulls. I think in 2010 I'll finally do it.

I've been saving. I have no idea what for. I can never decide between school and travel. I'm torn.

What do I do?

I see some of my friends married, settled down and with babies. Sometimes 2% of me wants that. I envy their comfort. Then I have weekends like I did July long and I remember that being single and responsibility free is the way to be at 25. I don't get it. What is the rush? Why is everyone getting married and having babies in their 20's? We have the rest of our lives to do that. Why waste our twenties being stuck at home putting children to bed. Don't get me wrong, if thats a choice you made, then great! Good for you! I'm happy for you! Some of my best friends have made that decision and they couldn't be happier. It just isn't for me at this time; thats what my 30's are for.

Being major responsibility free has its advantages. I went to country fest two weeks ago. It was a very last minute decision. I wasn't going to go. Then I realised that I won't be young for the rest of my life. I'm only 25. Now is my time to have fun and party. Now is my time to make irresponsible decisions. Who knows when I won't be able to make them anymore.

I love being able to take off whenever I choose. I am enjoying my freedom. I live for spontaneity.

wtf

2009-05-08T09:18:00.001-07:00

him:
hey

wassup gorgeous?

Shanti
not much

you?

him:
not too much

I miss u!!

Shanti:
haha oh yah?

him:
ya

u must be happily married?

a pretty girl like u!

Shanti
nope

happily single

him:
aww

really?

Shanti:
and you?

yup

him:
single

but hoping to meet somebody sooner than later!

Shanti:
thats cool

him:
where r u?

Shanti:
winnipeg

Him:
ok

a bit of a walk from here!

Shanti:
yup

him:
hunny,

if I were a bird I would fly to where u r

without second thought, nomatter the distance far

and, when I'd reached my destination,

I'd compose a song for thee,

Shanti:
what is that?

huh?

him:
the notes of which would tell how much your friendship means to me!

Shanti:
interesting

him:
if I had wings, could soar

like an eagle through the air,

Shanti:
why are you typing a song?

wtf

him:
it's something I wrote sometime ago!

Shanti:
oh you wrote that?

cool

him:
I'd pay u a visit, darling,

to let u know

I'll always be there for u!

I may be no bird, I've no wings

can't soar through the sky

yet this much will hold true

from now until the day I die:

in a way, we'll never be apart

for you, my darling Shanti

will forever be in my prayers, in my heart!!

darling friend,

what do u think?

Shanti:
why did you add my name in there?

its nice. but im sure that wasn't written for me.

him:
well, dear,,

I'd like to dedicate it to u!

him:
dear,

I have to go now

I'LL NEVER FORGET YOU!!

Shanti:
thanks

bye

I can be as cruel as you.

2009-04-10T14:22:00.000-07:00

I haven't updated this blog in forever. FML.

My horse has a chronic cough that seems to be really difficult to cure. FML.

Amelie has the runs. FML.

Ninja has an immune deficiency which is causing his ears to be itchy,dry and crusty. FML.

Its april, its -12 and we still have snow. FML.

I accidentally ripped off a piece of my car. FML.

I haven't cleaned my floors in at least two days. FML.

I miss someone I shouldn't miss. FML.

My boss at one of my jobs is seriously bi-polar. FML.

A kid at one of the schools I work at guessed my age as 55. FML.

Another kid at work told me that my hair looked bad. He's 5. FML.

One of my clients cried pretty much the entire time I was supposed to be conducting sessions with him. We got nothing done. FML.

My house is a disaster, I never let it get this dirty as I'm a clean freak but I've been so busy working and my roomies totally messed the place up, and of course I'm the only one that will clean it. FML.

I have been anxiously waiting for it to get warm enough to take my dogs to the off leash park. It was finally supposed to be plus 10 tomorrow, then they switched it to saturday, then sunday and now they are saying its not till monday but it'll be plus 10 and RAINING. So...No dog park for us. FML.

And lastly...
I HAD TO WORK THE NICKELBACK CONCERT, which means I had to listen to 2 hours of CHAD singing and talking about sex, booze and orgasms. FUCK MY LIFE!

It's been ticked off my list...

2009-01-14T09:55:00.001-08:00

Today I took my road test for the first time ever and passed! Woohoo! He even wrote "great driving" on my form. I finally have my drivers license at 24 years old. The next is my motorcycle road test this summer hopefully. xo

Happy 5th birthday Ninja! Mommy loves and adores you! xo

2009-01-06T23:30:00.001-08:00

To the best spooning partner in the world, happy 5th birthday, and many many many MORE to come! Love you always.
*Mommy*

wave goodbye, wish me well.

2009-01-03T12:29:00.000-08:00

I know I haven't updated in awhile, well not since november when I first went to Jackson Mississippi so here goes...

My new years resolution for 2008 was to travel lots, and I'm proud to say I actually kept it. Even if it was just traveling within north america. In 2008 I went to new york twice, LA, San Diego, Oceanside, Marina Del Ray (all in cali), Atlanta Georgia twice, South carolina twice, Tampa Florida, Ocala Florida, Jackson Mississippi, Dallas Texas, Calgary, and vancouver.

It was a good year for traveling and hanging out with old friends, 2008 has had some crazy times and memories that will never go away. Yet I think 2009 is going to bring about more life changing experiences.

This year my only resolutions are to stay in shape, eat healthy and move!!!
I do hope that 2009 brings more traveling. But I think the biggest travel I will do is actually pick up and move my ass out of winnipeg. It's been long coming and I can't wait to finally do it. I stayed in BC for the summer of 2008 and then went back in december for christmas and new years. I love it. I think I'd like to call that place home, at least for a few years. I have decided to get my honors/masters in psych at UBC. So I gotta get crackin on that. I had an amazing job offer lined up here in winnipeg but it requires a minimum year commitment, which I thought I could make, but have now realised I cannot make since my decision to continue school came into play. I'm nervous about school but excited at the same time. I think my dogs will be happy with the decision as they fucking hate winnipeg in the winter. I promised them and myself that this is the last winnipeg winter, so, if anything, I gotta keep my promise to them and myself.

I was going back and forth between moving to Vancouver or Toronto for the longest time. In the end I chose Vancouver. I guess we'll see how it goes, at least for the next 2-3 years. I have amazing friends in BC and my bestie Dom and her husband Justin and baby Islay are moving to Coquitlam in the summer of this year as well. I really can't be away from my Carter girls. I just love them!!!

I am excited. I'll be close to cali, so cali friends, expect lots of visits.

New Years EVE babes

Happy 2009 friends! xoxoxo

They asked me...

2008-11-10T14:41:00.000-08:00

"Have you found love?"

My simple answer: "no"

Is it wierd that I am almost 25 and have never been in-love?

RIP Hippo. I wish you were still on my shoulder. I am so sorry!

2008-09-12T20:53:00.001-07:00

I was able to save him once, unfortunately I couldn't save him twice. A wild cat took him away from me on September 11 2008 right out of his cage when we were at the barn. I always left the cage door open as he never left his cage and I wanted him to feel somewhat free since sparrows are meant to be free. He was a good bird and never had a problem being left alone in his cage. I usually checked up on him every 5 minutes or so. He only went there to sleep (for the most part he was on my shoulder or in my jacket pocket when he was cold). On the fatal day I left for a few minutes to clean a stall and when I came back he was gone. I searched and called and never found him. He didn't even make a peep when he was taken away so it must have caught him by surprise as he was quite a noisy little guy. The next day (after he was taken) I saw a wild cat on the table where his cage was so I am 100% sure it was the wild cat who took him and then came back for more. Hippo lived with two cats and three dogs so he learned to be good with all animals and wasn't fearful of them at all. He was happy, healthy and super attached to me, as I him. I am devastated. I miss him so much. My eyes sting from crying so much :( I just wish I could have had him longer. Sometimes I hear him chirp still, other times I get up to feed him and then realise that I no longer need to feed him.
I love and miss you dear Hippo. xoxo

(edit: I didn't know if Hippo was a male or female as the adult feathers didn't come in before he was taken so I refer to him as 'he', however it could have very well been a 'she', either way I loved my Hippo)

And here is a little album to celebrate his little life. It wasn't long enough!
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=161919&l=b5cab&id=711000084

I really want you to meet Hippo

2008-08-29T18:44:00.001-07:00

Please look at the photo album below; it tells Hippo's entire story.

http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=156963&l=f390c&id=711000084

I like crows...

2008-08-26T22:36:00.000-07:00

I really do. xo

If this doesn't make you cry (or at least tear up) I don't know what will.

2008-07-24T18:41:00.000-07:00

this is the funniest shit ever. listen to it in its entirety... its real!

2008-07-12T19:15:00.001-07:00

ps. hi. its been awhile. I'm still in BC.

Richmond BC

2008-05-20T18:17:00.000-07:00

So, I arrived in Richmond BC on sunday. The dogs did well in cargo and I am so happy they arrived safe and sound. I was so worried about them. I wish I could have taken them in the cabin, but unfortunately you can only bring one, so the other would have had to go in cargo, when I found that out I made the decision to put them both together in the same kennel in cargo, that way they would at least have each other. I am not gonna lie, I teared up when they took them away to board the plane. I heard Ninja's whimpers and it hurt...Nathan kept assuring me that they would be ok. I knew he was right, I just wanted the plane ride to be over so I could see them ok for myself.

Well...3 hours later...they arrived happy and ok. My "pets in cargo" fears are over, thank you west jet.

Monday was the first day at work. It was good. It rained lightly all day. Today it poured in the morning and cleared up by the afternoon. It's supposed to be hot and sunny for the next week so tomorrow I'm going to bring the dogs to the barn, we'll see how they get along with the horses. Lisa and her dad are great people and the dogs are settling in nicely. They get along great with Shayla, the big german shepherd who resides here. However, they are still learning to get along with 'Fluffy' a greyhound cross. Hopefully within a week everyone will get along ok. I'll just keep reading my Ceasar Millan books and hope for the best...haha (thank you Dom).

I like it here. Bc sure is beautiful. The mountains are spectacular. I can't say I miss winnipeg, but I definitely miss parts of it. I miss my horse, I miss my king size bed, I miss Nathan and his kisses and cuddles, I miss Tia and her firey ways, I miss my late night talks with Christie, I miss my pregnant Best friend and her ever growing belly, I miss my riding partner Stacey, I miss my driving friend Mike, I miss my boy talks with my two sisters. It's only 4 months though, this will be a fun summer and I can't wait till the end of July when my boy gets here.

I guess I'll update more as I do more.

I finally fell

2008-05-06T11:51:00.001-07:00

After owning my horse for almost 3 years I finally fell off her yesterday. I always say a rider should fall off their horse at least once. Well yesterday my horse decided to get extremely happy during a full on gallop, she started bucking and throwing her head around (only out of excitement, not out of anger or spite), I managed to stay on during that time but then she threw her head down and I went right over her head.

As I was falling I was seriously thinking "well I've finally fallen off my horse". I was in alot of pain but still laughing the whole time. I got back on her and rode for awhile but as the adrenaline faded the pain started to sink in and I couldn't ride anymore. I had to walk her home 2.5 miles. The shoes I was wearing are meant for riding, not walking, so I got two giant blisters on both my feet, fun fun.

I couldn't untack my horse or let her out, my friend had to do it all cause I could barely move. It took me about 5 minutes just to work my way out of her car when she dropped me off at home.

I landed so hard right on my head. The sound of my head hitting the ground is still very clear in my mind. I always said I had a super hard head but wow do I ever. It's wierd how landing on your head can end up hurting your entire body, it just shows how connected we are. My neck is in so much pain, my shoulder is stiff and sore and my back is messed up. I can't bend down at all otherwise I get an excruciating pain in my lower back. I think I broke my pinky finger too, its swollen and I can't move it.

When I got home I took a hot bath, took some tylenol and put some rub a535 on my back, I hope it gets better cause I could barely move yesterday. Today has been a bit better though. I haven't gone to the doctor, I'd rather not if I can go without it. I'm waiting it out and seeing if it'll get better, if not, I guess I'll go.

In other horsey news: RIP Eight Belles. You flew with a heart of Gold. I hope you are racing through horsey heaven with Barbaro and all the other champions who didn't deserve that sad racehorse-life.

not far away from Richmond BC

2008-04-28T08:51:00.000-07:00

So I'm definitely going to BC. I leave mid may, could be as soon as May 11th, we'll see.

Things are working out pretty well so far and I'm stoked on it. I can't wait to be there.

ps. I don't really update this thing often, I find myself still resorting to the old livejournal.

www.livejournal.com/users/dontwannafeel

add that as a side link, I write more in there and post pictures and stuff, its more fun.

summer job

2008-04-21T11:51:00.000-07:00

So an opportunity arose for me to go to Richmond BC for the summer. It's a live-in job taking care of 7 horses and I can take my horse and my dogs with me. At first I planned to take all three, but am now thinking about just taking my two dogs. It will cost me one months pay pretty much to bring my horse up there (one way) and if I'm only going up there for four months it just won't be worth it to bring her with me. Gas is so high, therefore trailering fees are ridiculous. I have a girl who wants to part board Tia all summer so maybe I'll leave her in winnipeg and just take my two pooches with me to BC.

This job sounds perfect for me for a summer job. Not only will I get to be around horses all day but I'll also be in amazing shape as taking care of horses m-f is a strenuous job. I also need a change so badly from winnipeg. And then I can kinda get an idea of BC and decide if its somewhere I'd want to move to in the future. I just gotta make sure I'm back in time for when Dom and Justin have their baby.

I thought about going back to school this year but I just don't think school is the thing for me at the moment; I'm just not motivated enough. For now I'm going to focus on finding a job with the degree I do have and then maybe in the future I'll go back for my masters in psychology.

For now I gotta make some big decisions. I really want to leave for the summer, at the same time, I want to stay.

I missed my Damon! It was great seeing him in florida last week.

2008-03-31T22:23:00.000-07:00

He knows spanish fluently and he sings so nicely.

Ninja Kobe! Doggy Model?

2008-03-11T15:12:00.001-07:00

I used to work for a company called PetPlan Insurance. They have now switched names to PetSecure and because of this they did a brand new campaign and Ninja and Amelie were used in photoshoots for the campaign. Unfortunately, right before the photographer came Amelie scratched her eyeball with one of her toys and was squinting the entire shoot so they didn’t get to use her, but Ninja had lots of good photos, he is now on their website and looks like the cutest Alien ever. They are going to give me a photo album full of the professional photos of Ninja and Amelie and I can’t wait to have professional photos of them. They did the photo shoot in people’s houses because they wanted it to be as personal as possible so people could relate to it. This is Ninja on his bed. We call it his “king” bed.
He is SMILING!

Here is the link to the Pet insurance company
http://www.petsecure.com/info/petsecure_fast_forms.aspx

My two week travels, minnesota, Brooklyn/manhattan, San Diego/Oceanside, LA/marina del ray!!!

2008-03-08T12:22:00.001-08:00

So I’m home. It was -20 when I arrived, the wind was blowing so fast and the first thing that came to my mind was “fuckin shit hole town. Shit. Fuck. Blah. Miserable crap city. Fuck. Shit. Ugh. Want to die. Fucking shiet-hole” I couldn’t believe I was back in this desolate city. Even Alaska is warmer than here right now. Today is a bit warmer but that is only because we are being dumped on. It is snowing madly outside and I’ve shoveled twice already.

My trip was insane, there were a few mishaps but over all it was fun. To start I took a bus from Winnipeg to Minneapolis on feb 23rd. The bus was supposed to leave at 7;45am but didn’t leave till 9am. First mishap. When we got to the border everything was cool. The border patrol guy took me aside into a separate room, looked through every one of my bags the whole while clearly hitting on me. This is the second time I have been hit on by border patrol men. When I took a bus into nyc in December the only question the man asked me was if I had a boyfriend. Weird.

I got to Minneapolis an hour late because buses suck. Then, they lost my bag. The bag with ALL MY CLOTHES IN IT!!! I was furious. I had a bag of shoes and the clothes I was wearing. They had no idea where my bag was and to make a long story short they found it three days later. I had flown to nyc the next day feb 24th at 7am and I had to call them multiple times that day and the next to find out where my bag was. When they finally found it the guy was really rude about it and I had to take two trains all the way to manhattan from Brooklyn to pick up my bag at the port authority bus station. So because I didn’t have clothes for three days I had to buy clothes, underwear etc… and they didn’t seem too concerned about giving me any sort of compensation or free ticket. Maybe I was too nice, that’s probably it.

Anyway back to my trip. So I stayed in Brooklyn from the 24th-march 2nd. I celebrated my birthday, march 1st, in manhattan at a bar where my friend Benny works called 'home sweet home'. It was a blast. I didn't sleep that night as I had to be at the airport at 5:30am so I stayed out till 4am, went back to brooklyn, packed, then took a car to the JFK airport. I flew to San Diego on March 2nd. I stayed in a beautiful beach town called Oceanside for three days and on march 5th I went up to LA and stayed in another beach town Marina Del Ray. My friend lived right on the beach so it was fantastic. We went to Venice, Santa Monica, and lots of other cute places in LA.
She had the cutest puppy ever. I would post pictures but there are just too many to post so check out these links if you are not on facebook. Let me know if it doesn’t work for ya. I’ll put up the NYC pictures soon.

http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=100277&l=efa90&id=711000084

http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=100276&l=be5fa&id=711000084

http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=100280&l=3f9f4&id=711000084

My flight back to Canada wasn’t too great. I flew from LAX to Calgary and then from Calgary to winnipeg. I was 15 minutes ate to check in at the LAX airport so they said the flight was closed and I had to wait for the next flight and pay an extra 150$. That really sucked. I hate air canada!

Oceanside beach with Ozzy

Sniper rifle (my rounds are the five in the middle)

me and Genevieve in El Segundo

back in brooklyn

2008-02-28T13:32:00.000-08:00

so I'm sitting here in williamsburg and I couldn't be happier to be back so soon. I didn't think I'd be back till July, and two months later I'm back. I have been here since sunday. I was going to go on a roadtrip to cali but I decided to stay in brooklyn for a week and then just fly to cali. So I'm here till sunday, which means I'm celebrating my BIRTHDAY here in new york. Sunday I fly to san diego. I'm going to hang there for a few days, then go to LA and hang there till I fly back to winnipeg on march 7th.
I'm spending too much money but still having a fantastic time.

high hopes and dreams

2008-02-10T23:59:00.000-08:00

I have decided that this year is going to be a year of many trips and alot of changes. I started off my chopping off my hair, I love it.

I also applied for a new job that has to do with my degree.

My first trip for 2008 is going to be a memorable one, that's a given. On february
23rd I leave to minneapolis, I'm going to hang with some dear friends for a night, I will then fly to new york and hang out for a few days, after I will be road tripping it from new york to cali with two friends from new york. Our trip will be ending in LA and then San Diego. I can't wait to see a bunch of the US that I haven't seen already. I can't wait to go to the beach. I can't wait to see my girls in LA and Hollywood. I just can't wait.
I think I'll be gone for about 10 days to 2 weeks or so. However long I can leave without getting fired. This is going to be an amazing trip and I can't wait. It's so cold here and I can't handle another minute of it.

In march I'm going to florida and in april I'm going back to cali.

I promise this will be a year full of trips. I hope to see you.

dry your eyes mate

2008-01-14T08:54:00.000-08:00

yesterday was a fantastical ride. I know thats not a word, but I like it anyway. Shagadellic shouldn't be a word either; but it is now. Seriously check it out...this is the urban dictionary's meaning of the word 'shagadellic'.
shagadellic : Having a body built for sin and an appetite for passion.
Back to my fantastical ride. It was -30 with the windchill, freakin cold, the horses were a bit zippy. Tia had a kick to her, literally, she was kicking out at every horse that came near her. Needless to say everyone kept their distance from my big black kicking mare. We rode for an hour and 45 minutes which is pretty long considering it was -30 with the windchill. I was warm the entire ride, aside from my feet. Even with mountain horse winter paddock boots and two pairs of socks my feet still froze. When they defrosted after we went inside the coffee shop it was so painful. I felt dizzy. It felt like someone was crushing all the bones in my feet. Crazy. Anyway it was still a fun ride.

Look at the frost all over her body Tia, Spring 2007Tia, Summer 2007Tia, Fall 2007

There was a mix up with our girlfriend gift exchange thing and I was out a ride and considering it was -34 with the windchill and it was a sunday so the buses suck, I didn't get to go. Kind of a bummer, but I had a good relaxing night. I got to clean my room which was good.

ps. 'dry your eyes' by the streets is amazing.

Brooklyn. I didn’t wanna leave.

2007-12-31T13:34:00.001-08:00

I have never experienced the true meaning of a gentleman till I came to New York.
Everyone was really nice, the girls were sweet and bubbly and a lot of fun, which is no different from my girlfriends here in Canada.
It was the guys who impressed me.
Not once did I pay for a single meal, drink or cab ride while I was there.
And we took cabs everywhere. I honestly was speechless. Even if I offered they refused.
At first I figured it would last for a day or two since I was new there but it never changed, all the way up till the second I left. I didn’t even have to take a train to port authority when it was time to go home, one of my friends paid for a cab ride there, came with me, carried my bags, and made sure I got on the bus safely.
It wasn’t just the fact that they paid for everything it was the way they were towards me; I have never had boys treat me so kindly.

Guys in Canada should take a few tips from these kids. Although these are dear friends of mine, it wasn’t just them; even their friends who I just met on this trip were nice like that. They were all always asking how I was doing in the “how you doin?” New Yorker way, offering to carry my bags when I went shopping and not taking ‘no, I’m fine’ for an answer, opening doors, and constantly just being pure gentlemen, the way men should be.

I’m just glad there are still some good ones out there who know how to treat a lady the right way, regardless if they are dating you or not, or if they want to get in your pants or not. They just treat you right because that’s the way women should be treated. I wasn’t used to it at all because that just doesn’t really happen for the most part here in Canada. I mean, I’m sure there are the select few gentlemen left, but the majority of guys aren’t like that at all unfortunately. It honestly has nothing to do with the money either, or them paying for stuff, I mean that’s really nice, but I could care less if I had to pay for myself all the time. It more has to do with the way you are treated, the way someone acts towards you. It’s hard to explain but there is such a difference.

Also the group of friends I hung out with the whole time there seemed so close knit and so caring, you could see that they took care of each other. It wasn’t all about selfishly paying for yourself and being as cheap as possible. Instead, everyone fought to pay for each other. They partied and had fun, but in the end they really looked out for each other. I just find that here in Winnipeg everyone looks out for themselves. There are the few that look out for others but it’s rarer to find; whereas, everyone in this group of friends I hung out with from the greenpoint/Williamsburg Brooklyn area, looked out for each other. It’s just different. I can’t explain once again. I guess I expected going to New York that it would be completely the opposite, but it wasn’t.

Anyway, back to my trip. I had to take a bus to New York from Toronto and back because I stupidly forgot to renew my passport so I could only go to New York by land. By the time I realized it, it was too late to renew my passport so I flew to Toronto from Winnipeg, hung out with my family and old friends for a few days, then bused to NY, hung out for a week, bused back to Toronto, spent the night, then flew back to Winnipeg the next day. I’m super sick now. I think Its because one day it was pouring rain in NY, we went to lower Manhattan for dinner at the south street seaport, which by the way is beautiful. I was wearing a small dress and heels, I didn’t know it was raining till I stepped outside and by then I didn’t wanna go back inside and change. I got really cold that night and the next day I started to feel sick. I have a super sore throat and it hurts so badly to swallow or talk. I called in sick for one day of work but now I’m back at work. I hope I feel better soon. Either way, I don’t care; New York was an amazing time. My friends told me it was pretty dead because it was Christmas time and normally it’s packed everywhere. I didn’t care it was a blast. I’m going back for the 4th of July and I cannot wait.

This was really long.
I’ll leave you with a completely unrelated yet fantastic quote by Thomas McGuane.
“To me, to live without dogs would mean accepting a form of blindness.”

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Shawni

you already know how this will end

2007-12-25T10:46:00.001-08:00

I'm staying in greenpoint brooklyn, a block away from the water and a minute away from the ever so trendy Williamsburg. Williamsburg is where all the hipsters live. And by hipsters I mean kids who dress like bums but are actually rich spoiled kids whose parents pay for them to live in 3000-4000$ apartments. We've spent alot of time in Williamsburg. Lots of cute little pubs and bars and really good places to eat. Yesterday we went to union square, but before that we ate at the lodge in williamsburg. If you are ever in williamsburg GO THERE. Best food I've had so far. Although there are so many good places to eat its ridiculous. It's bar after bar, pub after pub, one right after the other, sometimes you don't even know they are there because they are in the basement with no sign on them whatsoever. We hit about 8 bars last night all over new york, from the city to manhattan to all over brooklyn. The bars are so neat, some have swings, some have hammocks, others have sand all over the ground and some have dead animals all over the walls. We ended at Hugs in Williamsburg where Benny works. It's a nice place and after making christmas dinner tonight with Noah we're going to go there as Ben has to work there tonight. Which means we're getting drunk on christmas; which is not any different from the minute I got here though. Bars are open till 4am here which means I never really get to bed till 5 or 6am. My sleeping patterns are going to be totally messed up, but I don't care, I'm having the time of my life.

Oh yes I cannot forget how pet friendly it is here. Which is probably the main reason why I should be living here. Yesterday I saw a boxer in one bar, a rottweiler in another and a deformed terrier hopping around another bar, this terrier was even sitting on the bar for most of the night. I love pet friendly places, its a breath of fresh air from the not pet friendly city I live in.

last but not least please listen to this song "how it ends" by DeVotchKa if you get a chance, It is probably the saddest song you will ever hear, but also the greatest, you will not regret it. Seriously, download it.

I don't wanna leave. MERRY FUCKING CHRISTMAS!

first day in new york city

2007-12-23T11:47:00.000-08:00

So I can see why people love this city. I've only been here a day and I already wish I lived here. There are so many things to do its overwhelming. The people here are surprisingly exceptionally nice. Maybe its cause I'm from "Canadia" but they have all been so nice.

I didn't think I'd be drinking alot but of course thats changed. I arrived at 10am, went for brunch at around noon, then went to a bar right by Benji's apartment, got loaded and then passed out. I haven't drank in like two months so I am once again a lightweight. The apartments here are so neat, its like the movies. The one I'm staying in is a huge loft apartment. It's doesn't look like an apartment building from the outside. The door is painted blue with graffiti all over it. But inside the apartment is pretty sweet, its super open and they have these makeshift walls for the bedrooms. You can go on the roof, and in the summertime apparently they put a pool out there. I can't believe the amount in rent people pay here, this place is like 3200 a month. Its crazy. Anyway after my nap I got up, got dressed, went out and proceeded to drink some more. First we went to this awesome german pub where they serve these gigantic mugs of beer. Then we went to a house party and then to another bar across the williamsburg bridge called St. Jerome's. The bars here in brooklyn are like holes in the wall and there are so many of them if I didn't know someone from here I wouldn't know where to begin. The bartenders, guys and girls both, I swear looked younger than 21, but they were so adorable and sweet. One of the bartenders had lived in as he called it "the second most god forsaken province in canada" which was saskatchewan. He said mantioba was the first. I argued with him unsuccessfully. I guess he had lived in Saskatoon for some teacher exchange program. We closed down the bar and left around 4am. It was raining on the cab ride/walk home. Anything is better than snow.

most unproductive day ever

2007-12-04T20:23:00.000-08:00

-I ended up calling in sick yesterday as my arm and head hurt so bad I had to go to the clinic. Everytime I lift up my arm it feels like its popping out of place and my head is still swollen. I tell you, horses don't know their weight or size as they aren't the smartest creatures alive. However, if they learned to use their weight effectively,they could do some major damage. I'm in alot of pain and this wasn't even her trying to hurt me.

-anyway, on another note...today i had the most unproductive day off ever....anyone who knows me knows how christmas is my favorite holiday ever. unfortunately thats not the case this year. i procrastinated writing a paper today to put up the christmas tree, yet i found myself not wanting to put the tree up anymore after stringing only three sets of lights. i half assed threw the last two sets of lights on the tree and haven't put any decorations on it since. instead, i continued to procrastinate studying and laid on the couch and watched really bad tv such as tila tequila, the victoria secret fashion show and the hills. wow what a productive day.

- almost last note of the day: serious conversations should not be held over text message.

-last note of the day: ooooh i can't wait for christmas in new york!

interesting trail ride today

2007-12-02T17:50:00.000-08:00

imagine a 1400 lb animal freaking out, you're caught between the animal and a horse trailer wall, there's no where to go. the horse is bashing you against the trailer door and will not stop freaking out until she finally breaks free from her halter...

that was me today. i decided to go for a ride with john and stacey, Tia freaked out when i was untrailering her, she was smashing me against the trailer. luckily john pulled me out in time. i collapsed to the ground. i felt like i was going to pass out. i couldnt see anything for awhile and it felt like my head had just gone through the grinder. i finally gained my composure and we still went riding.we're diehards. it was -25 with the windchill.

i have a huge lump on one side of my head from being hit against the trailer wall, the other side of my head is sore and throbbing in pain from being smashed over and over again by a huge animal. she didnt do it out of spite towards me, she was scared and didnt realize i was there, the only thing she was thinking of was getting free. horses can be silly at times.

my jaw hurts, my head hurts, it hurts to speak and to lie down on both sides of my head. i popped lots of tylenol.

after that we had a great ride, got stalked by a crazy skiier, and did lots of galloping. i still love my horse. alot.

its going to be one badass christmas

2007-11-27T14:17:00.001-08:00

Booked my flight. I can't wait!!!

Party

Shawni

this is why I rescue animals

2007-11-19T11:44:00.000-08:00

An email I received from one of the families that adopted one of the pups from the litter I had in march. They would have all been shot. I am so happy they got a chance at life. These kinds of emails make my day.

"Hi there Shanti –

We thought you may be interested in seeing some pictures of one of the puppies you rescued back in March. We adopted one of the males you had, and he has added so much to our family since then! He is the perfect combination of family friend and protector. He has finished two levels of obedience school, and will start his third in January.

Wherever we go people comment on what a beautiful, well-behaved dog we have – and we always say we are grateful to a very compassionate young lady from Windsor Park who gave him a shot at a good life.

Enjoy the photos,

Rob Sherrard and Lori Porter"

This is the litter as babies

thats the little boy there, the black one.

here he is all grown up. his name is Tucker.

such wonderful people.

a rant

2007-11-13T09:12:00.000-08:00

I’m not saying I’m a perfect person; I’m not by any means. Still, when I say I want to do well and that I want to live my life the right way I at least try to show that in my day-to-day actions.... So I don’t understand when people say they want to do well, do the right thing, yet their actions show completely opposite.
It seems these days that boys and girls alike are all just talk.
Why say you’re a shitty person and say you want to change yet go and continue to do shitty things?
Why say you want to make the world a better place when all you do is selfish things for yourself?
Why say you want to do good for others and then do absolutely nothing about it? Or worse…do the complete opposite?
Why say someone is important to you in your life and then your actions show otherwise?
It’s not enough to say you want to do the right thing, it has to show in your actions and the way you live life everyday. People need to sometimes stop and think about their choices before they make them. Think about your decision before you make it, instead of just thinking about yourself all the time, think about the people it will affect around you. The choices we make affects somebody; every single choice we make in life will affect someone and that needs to be realized. Whether you make the choice to do the right thing or the selfish choice to do the wrong thing, its going to affect someone in one way or another, even if you feel it won’t, it does.

How can we knowingly, in good conscience, commit an action when we know its going to affect and hurt a person we claim to care about?

How can you tell a person you love them and then go and do the complete opposite?
Why?
I am sick of seeing people around me get hurt by the ones that claim to care about them the most.
Why treat the ones that care about you the most the worst?

Why take people for granted?

Eventually you will have pushed them so far away there will be a point of no return, and when you realise and regret it, its going to be too late.

I know we hear this all the time…Actions speak louder than words... but it’s so true.
So many people go to church once a week and they feel that one hour in church is going to forgive them for all the wrong they’ve done in the past. Well it doesn’t!
Most of the time people engage in moral actions only because they fear the consequences. Instead, I wish people acted morally because they understood, that in doing so, they are helping people around them and not just themselves.

I just don't get it. Why say one thing and then act another way?
Why not just be honest? If you feel a certain way, don't just tell them, show them, if you don't feel that way, stop saying you do.

I am quite aware that this blog made no sense and was all over the place.
I'm just losing hope and faith in people these days.

live to love, love to live

2007-11-11T10:03:00.001-08:00

I had a busy weekend. I had 7 puppies in the house, three went to homes on the weekend and now I have four which still keep me very busy. You can almost always find me with a litter of puppies or kittens in the kitchen, whether they are rescues or just animals that need homes its usually me that gets called. I can't say no.

On another note, I got an exam back today that I was sure I did awful on,it was pretty hard, and I didn't study too much for it, needless to say I was surprised to see that I received a very high A. It definitely made my day.

tomorrow will be a good day.I have a day off AND Corb Lund's cd comes out!!!

if you don't know my parents you won't understand

2007-11-06T20:31:00.001-08:00

this is a long one.

2007-10-13T11:58:00.001-07:00

So It seems, almost, as if in order to not waste time while in school or spend unnecessary money you need to know exactly what it is you want to do or be before you even enter university. Otherwise you might end up taking a whole bunch of unnecessary courses or getting a degree you will end up not using.
Unfortunately, I entered school not sure what I would do or what I wanted to be. I just figured going into university was a smart choice. I started with my electives. I ended up choosing psychology as a major because well for one it interested me and two I wanted to get into either animal behaviorism or child psychology; since psychology is the study of human and animal behavior that seemed like the right choice of degree.
Well I unwisely figured I’d only need my three year BA. So I made no plans to get my masters. Now that I am just about done my three year BA I realized I would really like to continue school and get my masters in psychology so I can continue to maybe even get my PHD in child psych. Well, of course, you need your 4 year honors degree to get into any type of masters program, so basically I’m screwed.
I just read a 43 page booklet which explains what you need to do and what classes to take and when to take them in order to be able to successfully enter grad school. It says do NOT take all your 4th year honors courses in the last year, which is what I would be doing, since I hadn’t taken any for my 3 yr BA. And it says to take the research and data analysis advanced course in your third year, which I can’t do as I am done my 3rd year in 8 weeks or so.
There is no way I’d be able to work (which I have to do as I don’t live at home) and take all 4th year honors courses in one year and still get grades good enough to be accepted into grad school. I feel so upset and lost. I wish I went to an advisor sooner. Now it feels like my edification is stuck at a BA in psychology which will clearly get me no where in life.
The only other thing I ever wanted to do was maybe be a cop and work in the k9 unit. But apparently everyone laughs when I mention the idea of me joining the RCMP. I know it’s a tough job and you are sent all over the country, but it does pay pretty well. The only problem with that is I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t be able to take my two dogs with me wherever I went, and I am not going to give them away by any means.

So I just feel like my life is at a halt, like I can’t go any further, because the obstacles are so high I can’t even look over them much less jump over them.
UGH.

On another note, I’ve moved all my life, I don't think I've lived in one place longer than 2.5 years. As a result, I usually get the itch to move after 2-3 years. Well I’ve been in Winnipeg for over 5 years now and as soon as school is done I’m pretty sure I’m outta here. I thought I'd be moving because I would be going to grad school somewhere else. Now that won't be able to happen I still want to move. It doesn’t matter where to; I Just don’t want to be in Winnipeg anymore. My best guy Friend Kenny is moving to Saskatoon November 1st, my girlfriend Jocelyn moved there in september. Joey and Mel went to Edmonton. Dom might move back to BC. Everyone is leaving. I am more than willing to move to any of those places....Or maybe I'll go back to Toronto where my family is; I still have some friends there. As long as I have a few friends I'd move anywhere, I can build from there. Although I'm fine moving somewhere I know no one, I've done it many times before.

sweetest thing I've heard in awhile

2007-10-08T12:59:00.001-07:00

"you get more beautiful every year"

ps. for all you out there who don't know who this guy is....Andrew Paul Woodworth.
get to know him. His music rules.

www.myspace.com/andrewpaulwoodworth

I love The Weakerthans.I've been listening to nothing but them, shiny toy guns and taking back sunday. Strange?

2007-10-06T10:55:00.000-07:00

My city's still breathing (but barely it's true)
through buildings gone missing like teeth.
The sidewalks are watching me think about you,
sparkled with broken glass.
I'm back with scars to show.
Back with the streets I know.
Will never take me anywhere but here.
The stain in the carpet, this drink in my hand,
the strangers whose faces I know.
We meet here for our dress-rehearsal to say "I wanted it this way"
wait for the year to drown.
Spring forward, fall back down.
I'm trying not to wonder where you are.
All this time lingers, undefined.
Someone choose who's left and who's leaving.
Memory will rust and erode into lists of all that you gave me:
a blanket, some matches, this pain in my chest,
the best parts of Lonely, duct-tape and soldered wires,
new words for old desires,
and every birthday card I threw away.
I wait in 4/4 time.
Count yellow highway lines that you're relying on to lead you home.

Risks are ok as long as they don't get you hurt, then again, its not a risk if there is no chance of being hurt.

2007-10-05T08:43:00.000-07:00

A friend told me yesterday "Life doesn't stop to give you a break". He was right. It's hard to get a break from anyone or anything these days, much less ask that of life. So when life gives you a break in the form of a fantastic professor you can't do much but smile and say thank you. I asked him for an extension via email for the assignment due on wednesday. Yet, I hadn't heard back from him. So when I saw him in class, on wednesday the day the paper was due, I asked him if he had gotten my email asking for the extension. He said "pshh you know you never have to worry about that take your time." This is my 5th class with Professor Ken Johns, and I can honestly say, he is my favorite professor in the world.

Study finds horseback riding more dangerous than motorbikes, skiing, and football

2007-10-02T12:12:00.001-07:00

Horseback riding riskier than motorbikes: study
cbc

A Canadian study suggests that horseback riders are more likely to suffer serious injury than motorcycle riders and that the majority of serious accidents happen to the most experienced riders on well-trained horses.
A research team from the University of Calgary found the most serious injuries involved the heads and chests of riders when they were thrown or bucked off their horses.

"With the impact from coming down that far off a horse and travelling at speeds, there was a lot of chest injuries like rib fractures or collar bone fractures," said Jill Ball, an occupational therapist in the trauma program at Calgary's Foothills Hospital.

The study, published in the American Journal of Surgery, said horseback riders were hospitalized with injuries 3½ times more often than those who were hurt riding motorcycles.

Horse-riding injuries requiring hospitalization occurred at a rate of 0.49 per 1,000 hours riding, while the rate for motorcycle riding was 0.14 per 1,000 hours, the research showed.

The research team reviewed the charts of almost 8,000 trauma patients treated at the Foothills between 1995 and 2005. It found 151 people were severely injured while horseback riding, with almost half of those requiring surgery.

Those riders had an average of 27 years experience at the time of their injury.

As well, the study found most accidents happened in "wide open spaces" on dry, flat land on sunny summer afternoons.

"Previous studies assumed that major accidents on horseback were caused by rookie riders on untrained horses or bad weather — something we now know is simply not true," said Dr. Rob Mullroy in a news release.
The team behind the study recommends riders wear protective vests and helmets.

"Deaths in our study were completely related to head injury, so the use of helmets in the study was low. The number of riders wearing helmets remains low," Mullroy said, noting most accidents were preventable but only nine per cent of injured riders were wearing helmets.

Im still not wearing a helmet or a vest. are you kidding me?

dreams accomplished; dreams to be accomplished.

2007-09-20T14:40:00.001-07:00

They say girls dream about their ‘dream wedding’ all their life. I was never one of those girls. My dreams were so different from the rest of the girls I knew. I never played with Barbies, dolls or tea-sets; I never dressed up in pretty dresses and danced around. In fact, I was awful at dancing. I remember joining a dancing team when I was 9 and couldn’t coordinate the moves perfectly for the life of me. Then when we would perform I never got into it and ended up looking like an unhappy rag doll.

Now, I can dance, at least I like to think I can.

I have loved animals all my life. I can still remember when I was 4 or 5 years old...my mom would always be buying me teasets and dolls. I was probably the most disappointed little 5 year old girl you had ever seen whenever that happened. I always wanted stuffed animals, dogs, orca whales or horses. I was definitely one of those little girls who pretended certain objects, bikes, broomsticks etc…were my horse. I would go galloping around and it was grand. I wanted my own horse so badly. I begged and begged my parents for one. Of course, because of their missionary lifestyle it was something I could never have. It was a dream I always wanted to make a reality.

As most of you know orca whales are my favorite mammal ever to exist. Their graceful yet ferocious nature has always intrigued me. When I turned 18 I sponsored my first animal; an Orca whale named Ben. Here is his story. “Ben was a young killer whale who was stranded on the beach of Mangawhai in 1997. He spent the night on the beach where he was looked after a rescue team. While on the beach Ben vocalized frequently in an apparent attempt to communicate with his rescuers or family group off shore. The following morning he was successfully returned to the sea where he joined his family group. He is often seen along the North Island East Coast of New Zealand. He is also occasionally sighted up in the Auckland harbor where Orca go to eat stingrays”.

When I turned 21 I purchased my very own horse. I have ridden all my life and have quite a bit of horse experience, so it was not a complete impulse buy. I had been part-boarding a horse for a year prior as well. Yet this was the first time I had a chance to make my “little-girl dreams” a reality. My mom was so surprised the day I called her and said “mom I bought a horse”. It’s just something most girls my age don’t have, and for that I’m proud.

I also remember how when I was young my mom would read me stories about children far away and tell me how lucky I was. I would always tell my mom that one day I would adopt one of those children so I could help in some little way. I even picked out names for the boy and girl I would one day adopt.

Someday the time will come when I can call my mom and tell her that I adopted a child from Africa. For now I have a sponsored child who lives in Africa. His name is Solomon. He is 8 years old and is in first grade. Can you believe that 10$ a year can put a child in school? 40$ a month supports Solomon, his mom and dad and two little sisters. I got this great idea to sponsor a child from my friend Dom who also has a sponsored child. After I sponsored Solomon I found out another girlfriend of mine… Christina has a sponsored child too. I really hope that more people can do it too, its only 35$ a month. Unless you sponsor a hope child like I do. Solomon is a hope child which means he is living in a community severely affected by the HIV/AIDS crisis. It’s only 5$ a month extra for a child like him; he’s worth it. All children are.Solomon Engoru, born July 28 1999. His favorite subject is drawing and his chores are babysitting his two little sisters. What a good big brother he is. He is also the only man I want to ever see wearing pink.

ONLY HE can pull pink off like a pro.

I don’t think I’ll ever dream about my ‘dream wedding’ and how it would unfold, if I ever get married. These are my dreams. As different and strange as they may be, I’ve had them ever since I can remember. Little by little they will be fulfilled. I believe.

end of summer BBQ and good friends. Doesn't get much better.

2007-09-17T11:45:00.000-07:00

so yesterday my friend Stacey and her boyfriend Jason had a 'end of summer' bbq at Birds Hill Park. Lots of people came. Stacey, my sister Tina, and I rode to the park on our horses. We rode for about 5 hours yesterday. Only one person was brave enough to ride my horse at the bbq. At times the horses acted like idiots. Tina's horse Windy threw her off after all three horses spooked at deer and went running into the bushes. I'm surprised I stayed on, being that I'm the only one that rides in an english saddle. I'm sure my turn to fall is coming soon, being that Stacey fell twice in the past week and now my sister fell yesterday. I'm just waiting for my turn to come. I still haven't fallen off Tia since I bought her, which is wierd. I've fallen off many horses, but not Tia yet. Knock on wood. I told her, “Now you’re a real horseback rider, no one is a real rider till they’ve fallen at least once”. I can’t even count the amount of times I’ve fallen in my life riding. Tina has only gone a total of 5 times with me but she does a great job holding her own and managing horses, like Windy, who are a bit more high strung and harder to handle.

Tia and I at the bbq. right before we left to go home.

Tia with her fly bonnet on.

I'm stressed, annoyed, frustrated, anxious, confused, angry, and more. I don't really want to write 'what about' in here. I've saved that for my private journal that I write in, not type in, at home. I just wish it'd be resolved. I need answers. I can't handle much more of this.

Shawni

tia got her new winter blanket yesterday. its not her color (Hunter green) but its warm and it'll do.

LAST BUT NOT LEAST...me, christie, ben and kate went to coyotes saturday. I ran into some interesting people, all in all it was a decent time.

And In the day everything’s complex, there’s nothing simple when I’m not around you. And I miss you when you’re gone.That is what I do.

2007-09-14T16:35:00.001-07:00

Being off for a year has made it quite difficult for me to get back into the groove of this thing called "school". I'm completely overwhelmed with the amount of work I have to accomplish in 2.5 months. I have 2 quizes, 5 exams, & 10 papers. It may not seem like alot. However, if you actually factor that into 2.5 months, aka 10 weeks of school that is a paper a week, and a little more than an exam or quiz every other week. No, its not too bad; no, I'm not complaining. I'm just not used to it anymore. Especially since I'm working close to full time as well since september is our busy season at MTS. My work is dull and not fulfilling at all. I wish I could be working somewhere else, making some sort of difference. Instead I deal with dealers all day long, entering in codes and activating wireline/internet and tv deals for my manitoba dealers. Oh well, at least it pays the bills, especially while in school. I can't wait to have my degree. I graduate April 2008. What a delayed graduation. I was supposed to graduate April 2006, thanks to the university and their deadly ways they screwed everything up, therefore causing me to have to take a year off school, and now I'm back and ready to finish these 9 credit hours and move on. I really hope this degree can help me find a job where I'm a bit happier and feel a little more fulfilled, or at least feel like I'm making a teeny difference in someone's life. Preferably a child. Children and animals are my soft spot, there is no other that is as gentle and innnocent and pure as a child or an animal. They really can do no wrong. I have no tolerance for those who harm either a child or an animal. Maybe I feel so passionately about the two because they can't speak for themselves. I feel like they need an advocate and sometimes I take that into my own hands, which at times can get me into trouble. I'm completely getting off topic now so I'm going to stop. This isn't making much sense. nice one.

Immanuel Kant once said “we can judge the heart of a man by his treatment of animals”. He was right. The same applies to children.

I know,you might roll your eyes at this. But I'm so, glad that you exist.

2007-09-10T09:03:00.000-07:00

yesterday I took my friend Melanie Hanson....ooops Melanie Lysack out riding. It was her first time. I was so impressed with her. She kept control of her horse "roo" who did try to take off a few times in different directions. She did a great job.

On the way we stopped to see an adorable filly, who just loves human attention. I decided I wanted to keep her.

my sister did a "practice curl" on my hair friday night.

it was sweet.

I think I'll curl it more often now. Straight gets boring. you know whats even more boring? This post. For that, I'm sorry.

I'm gonna get back to studying and whatnot.I've been at school since 8am, I have class in 10 minutes, then I work till 8pm. Fun fun. I'm pretty stoked to have tuesday off with no school, then wednesday I only have school, then I have thursday off and no school. I'm going to get so much studying and riding time in, its going to be grand.

I'm looking forward to other things this month. They should be good.

Shawni

so blogspot is finally figured out

2007-09-07T11:55:00.001-07:00

I usually think I'm pretty good at computers; yet for some reason I couldn't figure out, for the life of me, how to add friends on the side of my blogspot. It is so much more complicated than livejournal. Thanks to Jeremy I now have friends. So thanks Jeremy.

Shanti

And I'm leaning on this broken fence between Past and Present tense

2007-09-05T08:26:00.000-07:00

So this past weekend has been insane. Busy is an understatement, stressed isn't the proper word, aggravated doesn't fit either, annoyed, sick...maybe. I guess it’s a combination of the above. I’ve been sick lately and haven’t been able to fight the cold and cough just yet. I refuse to fill out the prescription the doctor gave me, it’s pointless, I know it’ll eventually go away.

I spent my two days off Wednesday/Thursday helping my friend Melanie get ready for her wedding. I stayed at her house, watched her 3 year old daughter, went to her dress fitting with her etc... it was fun. IF I ever get married... I don't know if I'd have a big wedding. They are ridiculously expensive and the stress of planning it all just doesn't seem worth it to me. I'd rather just get all my friends and go to some tropical resort and make it quick and painless; like how Dom and Justin did it. Her wedding Friday was fantastic and she looked absolutely beautiful. All my friends are getting married. Wow. I feel old.
Pictures of Melanie's wedding here.
EDIT I Put the wrong link: here is the right link...

http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=50486&l=21ec3&id=711000084

Wednesday evening and Saturday and Sunday all day... I attended and passed the mb motorcycle safety course. I have my bike license and now I can officially ride a motorcycle...on my own. Although I think I'm sticking to the back seat for awhile yet. Not to mention winter is just around the corner. I think for now I'll be doing a lot more horseback riding.

Monday morning my little sister Tina came back, boy was I excited, it was hard not to cry when she came down the escalator. I love having her around so much, I'm so happy she's home. Monday night I attempted tennis with my sister. Let me say, I love watching the US open on TV; unfortunately I am officially the worst tennis player in the world. It was really quite discouraging to be honest. I am so uncoordinated it wasn't even funny. My sister goes "you're not just bad, you're terrible". I've never been good at sports but I honestly did not think I would be as bad as I was. I'm not exaggerating either, its quite embarrassing how bad I am to be honest. A co-worker at work wants to teach me how to play, and as much as I'd like to, I think I'm a lost cause. I think I'll just stick to throwing the tennis ball for my dogs instead.

Tuesday night, after work, I took Tina riding. She doesn't ride at all...but boy she can hold her own so well. We were cantering and galloping pretty much the whole time and she did so well. She even kept her lazy horse 'Cash' going...

Today is the first day of classes; I just finished two classes and am now waiting for my third and last class to start. I'm taking social psych, developmental psych and ethics in criminal justice. School is always fun for the first few days, but I know as time goes by I'm going to be counting down the days till its over and I can finally graduate. I'm glad these will be my final three classes and I'll be done with school for good...Unless I decide to continue and take my masters, that’s something I'm still thinking about.

Pictures of stacey and my trail ride last saturday here: we packed lunches and rode all day. It was a blast.
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=48749&l=c3454&id=711000084

nothing else matters

2007-08-30T22:52:00.000-07:00

So in the past two days I’ve been asked this question FOUR times… “Whats wrong with you Shawni?” …confused I ask them what they mean by that… they proceed to say… “well you’re a pretty girl, you’re intelligent, sweet, ambitious, so why hasn’t some guy snatched you up already? Is there something wrong with you?” (mind you…I’m only 23) That question has been asked to me in a very sincere tone by two close friends, one acquaintance and oh yeah… the brother of one of my best girl-friends, who by the way, is getting married tomorrow. I’ve met him a total of 5 times maybe and even he is wondering why I don’t have a boyfriend… of course there are my parents who think its odd that someone of my age is still single being that my mom was pregnant with me at the age I am now.

Is it that abnormal for someone of my age to be single and to have been single for quite some time?

When you’ve been asked that question four times in two days you begin to wonder… is there really something wrong with me? Am I too picky?

Or maybe is there something wrong with other people‘s views on when and why someone should be in a relationship? Is it wrong that I don’t want to settle for anything less than the best? Is it wrong that I have standards? Is it wrong for me to be a single, independent girl who doesn’t “need” a boyfriend to be happy? Why is it that someone of my age needs to be in a “serious relationship” for others to think that there is nothing wrong with them?

Personally, I think I’m fine. I think its sad how some people are afraid of being alone, so afraid that they jump into an intense and serious relationship so quickly;often with someone they just met and barely know. I’m not directing this at anyone;yet, it does make me wonder why people think that there is something wrong with ME, just because I’m not “taken”.

I‘m single by choice and not by choice at the same time. I guess what I mean is... I‘d rather be single than be in a relationship just because everyone is... or because I’m afraid to be alone. Of course, yes I’d love to be “taken”, I’d love to have that person by my side, that best friend, that person you can tell anything to, that person you can feel completely and totally comfortable around. Still, that doesn’t mean I’m going to jump into a serious relationship with just anyone just because I don’t want to be alone.

My last relationship was terrible, and I am not by any means scared of entering a new relationship because of my past experiences. I may be a little more reserved or cautious but I wouldn’t let that hold me back. Still, I did learn from that relationship…I learned NOT to settle just because you don’t want to be alone. And for that I'm glad. So to answer your question, or incase you were wondering, NO there is nothing wrong with me....that I know of.

they're both gone

2007-08-28T15:19:00.000-07:00

I miss them. malika left yesterday...at least tina gets back monday.

god I love having them around. sisters are amazing. They are your best friend, your confidant, your everything. I love them.

so long sweet summer

2007-08-22T18:27:00.001-07:00

my sister Lika is going back to toronto for a month in 5 days, I'll miss her.
At least Tina gets back Sept 3rd. can't wait! I love having my sisters around!

Tia is finally better after two months of being off. Her shoes are on and I can ride her again. Her first trail ride went alot better than I thought it would go. She's a bit fat and needs to lose weight, haha. But besides that she's great.

Me and Tia: The sun is in my eyes!

KITTENS

2007-08-22T12:17:00.000-07:00

Hey guys,
I am fostering a litter of kittens and their mama. Someone from Rosenort brought in a litter of kittens to me this morning. They were unable to find homes for them out in the country so hopefully I can find homes for them here. There are two boys and two girls. They are medium length hair, extremely friendly, completely litter trained and are soooo adorable! They are almost all white with a few orange spots here and there. One is white with black spots. The kittens were born June 16 2007. The mom is also looking for a home, she was born August 21st of 2006, so she is one year old. She is white with a calico head and a calico tail. They are all really friendly and just want a good home.

Ps. I have pictures on my digital camera and I would post them but my laptop is broken so I am unable to upload them at the moment. Any questions…just ask!

If you know of anyone they are free to good homes. Please also fwd this to anyone you think may be interested. Thank you!

save a horse, ride a cowboy

2007-08-19T12:32:00.000-07:00

Friday night: wow. Went to Meiji sushi and then to coyotes for Melanie’s stag. It turned out to be a complete gong show. I barely drank; maybe had two shooters and one margarita; that’s about it. I had to be up at 7am the next morning for the 19th Annual Children’s Wish Ride. But boy, the girls who did drink were hilarious. One girl literally stripped down to nothing in the parking lot. The bride-to-be actually entered into a booty shaking contest and WON. We were laughing so hard because it’s something she would never ever do. At least she has a “booty” to back her up. It’s definitely something I could/would never do for more than one reason. Nonetheless, it was hilarious and definitely an amusing night. The way a stag should be, I suppose.
Melanie Hanson...the bride-to-be!
Homemade penis cake
the girls
a buck a suck...this dude later tried to get me to go out with him. hahaha
blow jobs...thats whipped cream on my mouth.
dancin
red tape=don't touch
who knows?
RED TAPE

me and my old roomie suzanne
me and the drunk bride
blown up scottish whiskey flavored condom

Saturday: got up early, drove out to warren for the 19th Annual Children’s Wish Ride. It’s basically a fundraiser for the Children’s Wish Foundation. It’s such an amazing cause and is definitely close to my heart since I have a 5 year old sister with Down syndrome, Bonnie Brooke. Basically people from all over Canada come and bring their horses, camp out and ride their horses for a twelve mile ride. Similar to a walk for breast cancer or some other cause, except it’s a horseback ride. I was unable to bring Tia so I took one of my friend Melissa’s horses. Pilgrim was his name. A 5 year old quarter horse gelding, who thought he was a stallion and had the worst ground manners ever. He sure was handsome but boy were his manners out the window, and if he was my horse he would have gotten a good wack or two. He was definitely a horse who needed a whole lot more miles on him. Apparently he had not been ridden in a WHOLE YEAR, and had only 4-5 rides on him in total. He was an extremely green horse (a green horse is basically a horse that has not had a lot of work/training done) Greaaaaaaaaaaat! I knew I was in for an entertaining ride.
Every time I asked him to canter (for those of you who don’t know what ‘canter’ means…horses have four gaits… walk, trot, canter and gallop, canter is a 3 beat stride, which is supposed to be the most smooth gait out of all horse gaits). However, with Pilgrim it wasn’t! He would go into this bucking banter when I asked him to canter, one time he bucked 5 in a row while cantering full speed. Also, every time we came near water instead of going through it he would do this gigantic off balance jump over the water; half the time I was surprised I stayed on. Might I add, I was riding in an aussie saddle with stirrups that were way too long and my feet barely touched them. So I had to balance myself a lot more on an unsure/unconfident horse who had no balance and didn’t even know where his back end was. As well, he didn’t even know how to walk without tripping every other step, such a clumsy horse, at one point he tripped so hard he fell onto his knees and almost fell over; once again I was surprised I didn’t tumble off. I guess I was lucky that day.

Oh yeah…before the ride started….He kicked me pretty hard in the knee while I was cleaning out his hooves. It hurt a lot at first but then the pain kind of went away and I forgot about it…until 10 miles into the ride when my knee started to really hurt. I got off and walked for a bit then got back on. I couldn’t figure out why it hurt so badly because I ride at least 3 times a week so I shouldn’t be so sore after a 10 mile ride. When I got back I remembered he had kicked me there, my knee was swollen and is now bruised. I never bruise so it must have been a pretty hard kick for me to actually get a bruise. It hurts and I’m gimpy and sore.

To Pilgrims defense, he is lucky that he’s such a handsome horse. That combined with how young he was… I gave him the benefit of the doubt. He just needs someone with a lot of patience to work with him; someone to be firm and not let him walk all over them. As well as someone to put a lot more miles on him; aka ride him more than once a year. If that happens, he’ll be a fantastic horse for anyone to ride…someday!

Pilgrim

If you read that in its entirety sorry if I bore you to tears.

Life is Grand!

2007-08-16T12:45:00.000-07:00

I just worked 8-1 at one job and now I'm at my 2nd job working 3-9. I'm tired.

Means is playing tonight. Hopefully I make it there in time, working till 9 sucks.

On a positive note; TIA HAD HER SHOES DONE WEDNESDAY! Apparently she was really bad for the farrier and he was upset about it and kept calling my horse "ill-mannered". She's never had problems with being shod before so its odd. Anyway.... Finally, after two months of not being able to ride my very OWN horse, I can finally ride her. I cannot wait till tomorrow when I get to ride my ill-mannered horse; I'm sure it will be interesting to say the least.

friday night: Melanie's Stagette, should be fabulous fun.

Saturday:Horseback ride for the Children's Wish Foundation.

Sunday: WORK for 28.55 an hour.

not bad

I wanna get lost in some corner booth, Cantina Mexico

2007-08-14T13:13:00.000-07:00

the last three days were great. I went to a horse show sunday morning, went to see tia, gave her a bath, went riding...I rode Roo again, a buckskin who is alot of fun to ride. I'll post his pics soon. Monday I slept in till 12:30 went and hung out with my old friend Emily from minneapolis, who just happened to be in town on my day off. Then I went riding again. After that I hung out with Little Ben, went for coffee and such, had good talks. It was fantastic having two days off in a row. A luxury infact. As fun as it is riding other horses I can't wait till I can ride Tia again. It's not the same when you have your own horse to ride.

....for now I get to hug my donkey...look how big her ears are here.

Diesel, Tia, me

pretty girl.

tonight I get to rent wild hogs on dvd. sweet.

If you go now, I'll understand ;If you stay, hey, I've got a plan

2007-08-11T13:10:00.000-07:00

I’ve had a lot of trouble sleeping lately. I am not exactly sure why. I think I worry too much. I over analyze everything and it makes me think of the worst possible situations or scenarios and it scares me. I don’t really know what I’m trying to write right now but something is on my mind and it’s bothering me and I gotta get it out or else it’s going to drive me insane.

When I was a little girl I always thought I knew what I was going to be “when I grew up”. I knew I didn’t want to be a missionary like my parents; I wanted to do something that revolved around my passion for animals. Something like marine biology, a veterinarian, animal trainer etc… Now it seems like I don’t know anything about what I want to do anymore. Or better yet, I know what I want to do. but can’t because I know I won’t be able to make a decent living out of it. It’s unfortunate that we can’t all do what we love as a job. In my case, what I love is not a stable enough job for me much less a family in the future. When I have children, I want to be able to give them everything my parents could not give me. I don’t want them to struggle as much as I had to. From the time I was 15 ½ I did everything on my own without a single bit of financial help from my parents.

I used to feel like I was ahead of everyone; moving out on my own at 15 1/2, traveling places where people twice my age have never been, skipping a grade of high school and still finishing early with honors, going to university etc… Yet now I feel like I’m on a downward spiral as reality sinks in.

I have 9 credit hours of school left to finish my degree in psychology…and then what? Will school end or will I continue it and acquire my masters? Will I end school and try to find a job with just a BA in psychology? If I chose to do that… what decent job can I get with that kind of a BA? Probably not much! I’m starting to become overwhelmed with what I am going to be or what Im going to do when “I grow up”.

I have to start paying my student loans off. I need to find a real job. I have to decide what it is I am going to do with my life. I want a real career, not just some dead end 9-5 job that I hate going to everyday. I want to retire early. I want to travel still. I have been to so many places, yet there are still so many more I want to go to. It feels like the lack of money holds so many people back from fulfilling their dreams, and I don’t want to be one of those people. Yet I am. Ugh Its just so frustrating.
What am I going to do? I need to decide.

disturbing dream

2007-08-09T13:07:00.000-07:00

I had a wierd dream last night; about my little brother Oliver. I dreamt that he was in jail and on death row for murder; a murder he didn't commit. Me and my sister Malika were fighting to save him, but we pretty much were just crying and screaming at people my whole dream. The wierdest part about it is my parents didn't really care that he was on death row and about to die in the dream. I remember lecturing my parents saying he didn't do it and he was framed, the whole time in my dream I was hysterical. I think the most disturbing part of the dream is how little my parents cared in the dream, when that is so far from reality. I don't know why I'm posting about it; I guess it just left me with a wierd feeling today.

my brother is the last one on the right in white/black shorts.

I guess I'm just worried about a few things. Maybe that reflected in my dream. I'm not really worried about my brother though, so its odd that I dreamt about him.

August long at riding mountain

2007-08-07T13:35:00.001-07:00

August long...was amazing.
-rain-hotel
-biking
-riding mountain
-marshmellows
-jiffy pop
-fires
-lakes
-bison
-hawks
-squirrels who eat pancakes and jam toast
-cinnamon buns
-wasagaming THE TOWN OF WIERD BIKES
-laying in the grass
-walking around the lake
-killing slugs
-thunderstorms
-white underwear
-getting drenched while riding a bike
-putting on damp clothes
-tim hortons
-tent
-campsite
-dad and three kids
-babies
-biking down a deserted path
-lake audy
-clear lake
-moon lake
-brandon
-rest stops to go pee
-water bottles
-going pee in a place full of stuffed wild animals
-running into my old boss from petplan
-running into jay coleman
-losing sunglasses
-dogs
-horses
-pizza
-italian music
-more biking
-harley davidson

and so much more!

more pics here
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=31554&l=3ef50&id=711000084

oh school be done already

2007-08-01T12:37:00.001-07:00

So my student loan company rejected my loan saying I make enough money to pay for my tuition fees myself. Go figure they'd screw me over when I only have 9 credit hours left before I graduate. I'm lucky I have some amazing people in my life, like Paul and Linda Barli, people who I have known for 7 years now and was a live-in nanny for a couple years. They treat me like I'm part of their family. They offered me the 2000$ I need to finish school. Since they know my parents are full time volunteer missionaries and the parents of 8 children so obviously they could never afford to help me out with anything much less tuition and book fees. Paul and Linda are such amazing people and I am so lucky to have them in my life. I haven't accepted their offer, but its nice to know that there are people in my life that are looking out for me and will always help me out if I ever need it.

Kris is going to Uganda in a bit and I jokingly told him to bring me back a baby from africa. However, someday I will go to africa and bring back my baby. It has been a dream/goal of mine ever since I can remember, to adopt a little boy from africa and a little girl from asia. I have had names picked out since I was 9. No, I'm not trying to be Angelina Jolie. Infact, you can even ask my family. I used to say it all the time when I was 9 years old; that someday when I was older I was going to adopt. Now 14 years later its something I still want. I can't wait till I can make that dream come true. I know it will. Someday.

This weekend can't come fast enough. I just can't wait. He told me we should make it a monthly thing, which is awesome. I love camping and such.

I watched 300 last night for the first time, it's such a great movie, I might watch it again tonight.

I have a journal....

2007-07-26T17:41:00.001-07:00

www.livejournal.com/users/dontwannafeel

why do I have a blog spot too?

dang stress

2007-07-24T10:25:00.000-07:00

There isn't much to say I'm pretty busy, working two jobs, trying to work out once in awhile to stay in shape more, trying to see my horse, and trying to keep my pooches occupied.

I also need a roommate for September 1st as Geordy is moving out to live with his girlfriend. The place is great, big, has a fenced in backyard, CENTRAL AIR, has a brand new dishwasher, brand new stove/fridge/ brand new kitchen, new bathroom, hardwood floors, rent is 230$ plus bills, which including internet comes to no more than 300$ a month, not bad at all! We are clean girls who just need a roomie to be in the extra bedroom starting sept 1st. Have any more questions email me shantivadnais@yahoo.com or call 803-4744. come on by, and please tell your friends cause we need someone for Sept 1st.

August long I'm going out to brandon, I'm meeting Kris, then we are biking to riding mountain and camping and going swimming. It will be the last time I see him before he goes to Africa for 5 weeks. Swimming, camping, and biking...it doesn't get much better than that.

alright later.

update

2007-07-15T10:25:00.000-07:00

-my laptop is sorta working again. WOO! I missed it so much. i tell ya two months without a laptop sucks ass. -My little sister Tina went back to toronto for the summer, I miss her a ton already. It sucks without her here. -After work today I rearranged my livingroom. It was frustrating since there aren't many options. Yet I like to switch it up once in awhile, gives the house a new feeling, kinda like I just moved in. It's nice. Makes it feel all brand new again. -There is a situation that I honestly thought was done and over with and now it is seemingly back and I am not sure what to make of it. I'm confused yet Happy; and completely not sure what to think or say. Its a very wierd and complicated situation and it bums me out that I don't know what the outcome of this all will be. I guess thats life though. I just wish I knew so I knew what to do about it all.

way I are

2007-07-13T10:24:00.000-07:00

So this past week has been kinda crazy. I started a 2nd job. I’m back at petland part time; just about 10-18 hours a week. Alan called me a few weeks ago asking me to come back cause in his words "he needed someone who knew what they were doing". It was perfect timing since I wanted a 2nd job for the summer to save up. Sold a dog on my first day. yay. I really need it so I can get some extra cash to save up for the motorcycle course I’m taking in august as well as all the vet bills I have for Tia’s injured hoof.

I can’t ride her for at least a month, her soles are very thin and her hoof is so worn down it hurts her to walk on anything. She can’t get shod (putting shoes on her) till her hoof grows in more, which could take a minimum of a month. I feel so bad for my poor horse. She can barely walk on gravel, she limps a lot and it hurts her just to walk over a few feet of gravel. She has to stay on soft mud and grass at all times till her hoof grows in more. I miss my horse; I haven’t seen her since Sunday. Since she is at birds hill I don’t get to see her as often. It is 30 minutes away and gas is so darn expensive. Hopefully I get to see her tomorrow after work or Sunday after work. I also barely get to see her because I work alot of evening shifts and thats the only time I can go out and see her.

An old co worker of mine started a group on facebook specifically designed to bash me, it was quite ridiculous to be honest. Being that it all started because she was angry I took pictures with her baby and posted them on facebook. They were completely innocent pictures.; some of me holding him and others of Christie and Bryson holding him. I thought he was soo adorable so I took a few pics and posted them on facebook after the dad of the baby told me to specifically post them on facebook for the mom to see as she would love to see them. Well the mom of this child, who is an old co worker of mine, turned out to be a complete psycho. She was so angry about the pictures it was ridiculous. She even started an entire facebook community just to talk shit on me, it was so stupid. Luckily she took the outrageous facebook group down today.

Adios. Shawni

oh the irony

2007-06-15T10:22:00.000-07:00

this was my horoscope today
Pisces: Someone in your life wants a second chance. They know they screwed up, so give them one more shot. If they mess up again, you'll know their true colorswhat do you think about second chances?

Sankaranarayanan Venkataraman

2007-06-04T14:16:00.001-07:00

The great thing about working in an office is office email. Most people I know who work in an office have at least one office buddy who they email all day long; its someone to keep you company when you are bored to tears and want to pull your hair out, someone to joke with, & someone to bitch about how much you hate your job at times. I have a few “email buddies”, most don’t work with me. However, my favorite intra office email buddy is Mike; a pretty quiet guy who loves his newly purchased ATV, is good with computers and hates his ex girlfriend ( a very good horse back rider who I often see at horse shows) this is one of our favorite convo’s for today, it made me laugh.

Me: Whose install was … Sankaranarayanan Venkataraman?
Mike: Ha, no idea.
Me: That’s what I’m gonna name my kid, when I have one.
Mike: Too bad I was gonna use it!
Me: you can’t copy me!!!
Mike: no? I just might have to father your child in that case.

Ha ha ha, I’m glad that when shit gets boring at work, I have someone to keep me laughing.

I emailed my other friend Lauren and said “This is my name… Sankaranarayanan Venkataraman”

She replies: WHAT!?!?! LOL THAT’S UR FULL LEGAL NAME??

Hahaha she thought it was MY actual name! Oh dear me! Wow who has a name like that? Crazy!!!

An entirely Pointless post, but it made my day.

I am a blessed girl.

2007-05-23T16:10:00.000-07:00

My good friends in mexico are sending me tamarindo lollipops in mango and watermelon flavor. If you haven't been to mexico or have but haven't tried these specific lollipops. They are amazing. Lollipops in all different flavors covered in chilli. Sooo good. I miss the 'beer' flavored lollipops, frick those are good. But the tamarindo ones are the best, the chilli coating is heaven sent.

ps. someone come mow my lawn, its starting to look like a jungle, and I have no lawn mower to do it myself.

nostalgia

2007-05-19T11:46:00.000-07:00

A friend wanted to borrow an old cell phone of mine, and before I handed it over I turned it on. Oh the memories I got just from looking at old texts. Thinking of where I was last year at this point is wierd, things were different, but just as complicated. Life really doesn't get easier. Yet, I know I can't complain, there are others that have it so much worse than me. I guess its true when they say all good things come to an end.

I love Nelly Furtado: I can't even say how much I love her. She's amazing! If you think otherwise please die.

Flames to dust

Lovers to friends

Why do all good things come to an end

ps. dancing to Bon Jovi in the livingroom with my little sister is my idea of a fun friday night.

lilac bushes are blooming everywhere

2007-05-17T08:31:00.000-07:00

I can't wait for it to be just a tad warmer so me and my sister can play soccer and tennis all day long.
I love spring and summer for these reasons:
- the smell of lilacs everywhere you go
- bike rides
- trail rides
- soccer (soccer field across from our house)
- tennis (yes, we have a tennis court ACROSS from our house)
- walks
- running in the grass barefeet, chasing after my bouncing puppies
- cabins
- the beach
- swimming
- camping
- late night walks
- gelati
- swings

Summer is great.

PSALM 136:25 ...And who gives food to every creature. His love endures forever.

2007-05-11T14:47:00.000-07:00

I can’t believe it’s been a year since you left me. You’re gone but I still miss you every single day. I don’t know if I ever fully got over your unexpected death. I honestly thought I would have you till I was half a century old; suddenly you were gone. I really never thought you’d leave so soon. I wish I spent more time with you. I wish we could go for another bike ride again. I wish I could see your chicken dance or hear you sing and dance to rap, or call Amelie continuously. The house is so quiet without you. You could have lived so much longer and I still wonder why you left so fast. I know everybody has their time, but I think your time came too soon, at least too soon for me. Today is a hard day; I miss you so much still. I love you Kilkenny. Have fun in Birdie Heaven. xo

For all forest creatures are mine already, the animals on the mountains in their thousands. I know every bird in the air, whatever moves in the fields is mine. PSALMS 50:10-11

I don't understand the dynamics

2007-05-06T13:00:00.000-07:00

I don't know what to think.
I don't know how to act.
I don't know what to say.
I don't know how to respond.
I just don't know.
I hate not knowing.

I need to learn to be more patient; more patient with myself mostly. Patience is a virtue right? It is just so hard to be patient and see what the final outcome of a predicament might be. I am constantly pushing myself into situations that I don't know how to get out of. I do have patience for animals and children; yet when it comes to problems or situations that arise in my own life... I just can't wait, I want it solved right away. It is impossible... and it is something I need to learn to take my time with more. In life we may have nothing but time; but life is short, so how much time do we really have?

ps. how do I add friends on the side? I know its the html codes. but still. how? help!

she said she needs someone, someone to love her

2007-05-06T12:59:00.000-07:00

-Being a woman means you are stuck with a brain that is in constant overdrive. Sometimes, in fact most of the time, I think too much. I over analyze every situation to the point that it drives me bonkers. I’m not going to lie; at times I wish I was a guy. Their brains seem to be so much simpler, well at least with most of them. Drinking insane amounts of coffee has been keeping me up late at night. I’m not an insomniac but I just couldn’t get to sleep last night. There were just so many thoughts running through my head. I didn’t get to bed till 5am. I went to bed after the social at around 3am and soon realized I was not going to fall asleep for awhile still. I sat at home in the dark in my living room, on my laptop, chatting on msn to the one person who would be awake at such an odd hour. My dear friend, the night owl… Colin. He was drunk and amusing and having fun in Minneapolis. I was proud of him for not taking a random girl home that night. It’s a reason to celebrate. He made me a promise to get loaded with me Tuesday night, drinks on him. Someday he’ll teach me how to win 8k in cash by playing poker, like he did a few Fridays ago. I finally fell asleep at around ten past 5am I think…at 9:30am I woke up to a text message. As soon as my dogs hear any sort of beeping whether it is my alarm or my phone they immediately jump up “time to eat and play”. However, if I turn it off and pretend to go back to sleep, they will too. It’s pretty funny watching them jump up excitedly when my alarm goes off and then crawl under the covers and go back to sleep after I hit “snooze”. Oh my dogs. They are great little creatures who amuse me on a daily basis. Such unconditional love, if none other, at least I can count on them.

-My ADD brain went from talking about being a woman to insomnia to my dogs. Wow.

- I'm at work and I usually enjoy working on a sunday, its slack and its 27.50 an hour. I pretty much get paid to sit on my ass. Today, unfortunately, there is a big open house for our new building which opened up a few months ago. This means there are tours of people coming through the building non stop...so I gotta pretend like I'm actually working. At least I get free hot dogs, doughnuts, drinks and cake.
-After work I’m going with my friend Mel to look at a few horses. Her and her boyfriend Joey are purchasing their first horse and want me to come along to give them advice. I’m so excited for them. I remember when I purchased my first horse just over a year ago. It was so surreal having her. Every time I went to see her last year I couldn’t believe she was all mine. Now that feeling is gone, but I still can't believe I managed to make at least one of my dreams a reality. I can't wait for my next dream to become a reality.

I needed last night!

2007-05-04T13:47:00.000-07:00

thank you Christie and Kristin. You girls are the best!

I hate being...
- bummed
- confused
- tired
- sick
- teary!

I need...
-a hug

I'll be on the next train home. Add it to the endless list of all the things we'll never ever know.

2007-05-03T12:04:00.000-07:00

Why is life so up and down all the time? One minute you feel like the happiest, luckiest girl in the world, and the next you feel like its all crashing down around you. School never seems to be ending. I worked hard last summer just to get it out of the way. I went to school all through till the end of august. Basically I was in school for 11 months straight, only to find out a month later that I took 9 credit hours of the wrong courses and won't be graduating in time. Now I have to go back this september to take those 9 credit hours, and the thought of going back to school is so depressing for me. And then there is the even more depressing thought of...."what will I do once school is done?". I used to think I knew exactly what I was going to do and where I was going. I have learnt I was terribly wrong! Sometimes I love life, sometimes I hate it. I know its the same for everyone, but I guess today is one of those days where I hate it. Since I got back from Regina monday morning, everything seems to be going wrong, and I am literally on the verge of tears today. I had such a rough day at work yesterday, and then I get home and nothing gets better. It just feels like everything is slowly slipping away and that is the scariest thought in the world for me. I hate when my biggest fears start to become a reality. I hate complaining and I hope thats not what I am doing here, I just needed to vent.

sooooo

2007-04-18T09:50:00.000-07:00

I haven't posted in here in awhile, mostly because I use this thing..

www.livejournal.com/users/dontwannafeel

but seeing as some of my friends, aka Scott Wade, uses this blogspot thing I'm going to start using it more so i can keep up to par on what my friends are up to in other cities.

yesterday I deleted my myspace, which was probably a stupid move being that 95% of the time that is the way I keep in contact with all my old friends who do not live in the same city as me. I don't know if I regret it, as I hated it so much and it made me sick, yet I know I'll probably have to create another one just for the sake of staying in touch with old friends. Not to mention I repeatedly told Scott to get a myspace so I can keep in touch with him and Tara, and then I go and delete mine. ha ha oh well. Facebook is the new myspace anyway.

I don't even know how to add friends on this thing...someone teach me?

I miss you Kenny, I miss you so damn much

2006-05-20T09:40:00.000-07:00

Its been 10 days exactly and I still cry for you. I miss you. I miss you so much.
you are never going to be forgotten, you are always closest to my heart.

please stay close. I love you xo

good stuff

2006-04-10T18:20:00.000-07:00

Jared

my 2nd blog-update

2006-03-09T08:20:00.000-08:00

so i havent posted in this thing in awhile, I kinda forgot about it till today. Im 22 now. I'm getting old, yikes.

I am at the university of winnipeg and I have been sitting in tier 1 early registration for spring courses since 8:15am, its been over 2 hours and I still have awhile to go still, it sucks and I am so tired. i stayed up last night watching 'prime', not a good movie.

Casey is in town today, he is probably coming by to see Rocky, his new little girl that he takes home to BC on monday. I am gonna miss that little puppy. Then i will only have Liona left. We'll see if I keep her or if I find a show home for her, she is so beautiful.

I am going to vegas in april, from the 20th-24th i can't wait. I am visiting dave, a friend of over 9 years. Geez I'm old. My sister is coming to visit me from the 25-28th of april so that is gonna be an awesome week.

I'm probably going riding in a few hours with barb, I haven't been on a trail ride in 2 weeks and I miss it, the weather is finally warming up again. yay, I cannot wait for summer.

I am graduating in august, hopefully. After that I have no clue what I am going to do next and it scrares me. Should I move back home to toronto? or maybe go to BC or even move to scotland or ireland? I have been seriously considering a huge move to europe. After all I can work there since I am blessed with a dutch daddy and a dutch passport. :) Ahhhh we'll see.

Dom and i are getting friendship tattoos, sweet, this will be my first and I am getting it on my foot, ouch. Hopefully its not too bad. I am pretty good with pain so I should be ok.

so I got one of these

2006-02-21T16:40:00.000-08:00

I am not sure why since i already have a livejournal but uh yeah here is my blog. The reason why it is called Lionamelie is because it is an amalgamation ( using's scott's big word here, ha) of my two girl dogs Liona and her mommy Amelie. I just thought it sounded cute and was kinda sick of always using 'dontwannafeel' so Lionamelie it is.

later guys

shawni